Beauty and the High-Functioning Sociopath {#PFCC2k16}

The Bloody Guardsman

(A few months earlier)

"Did you work on your half of the church, Mary?" Sherlock asked, turning to look at her. "Looking a bit thin."

"Oh, orphan's lot. Friends, that's all I have." Mary said. "Lots of friends."

"You should have the organ music begin at precisely 11:48-" Sherlock started.

"The rehearsal's not for another two weeks." Mary said. 

"Calm down, Sher." Alex said.

"Calm? I am calm, I am extremely calm." Sherlock said.

"Let's get back to the reception, come on." Mary said. "John's cousin, top table?"

"Hm, hates you. Can't even bear to think about you." Sherlock said.

"Seriously?" Mary said.

"Second-class post. Cheap card. Bought at a petrol station, look at the stamp." Sherlock said. "Three attempts at licking. She's obviously unconciously retaining saliva."

"Aw, let's stick her by the bogs." Alex said. "She hates me too, Mary, don't worry."

"Who else hates me?" Mary asked. Sherlock handed her a list. "Oh, great, thanks."

John was scrolling through cases that Sherlock had been offered on his phone. "Priceless painting nicked. Looks interesting."

"Table four?" Mary asked.

"Done." Sherlock said. He wasn't paying attention to John.

"My husband is three people." John read.

"Table five?" Mary asked.

"Major James Sholto. Who's he?" Sherlock asked.

"Oh, John's old commanding officer." Mary said. "I don't think he's coming."

"He'll be there." John said.

"Well, he needs to RSVP then." Mary said.

"He'll be there." John repeated. "My husband is three people, it's intresting. It says he has three distinctive patterns of moles on his skin."

"Identicle triplets, one in half a million births. Solved it without leaving the flat." Sherlock said. He went over to the couch and pulled out a tray with two napkins in the shape of a swan and the Sydney Oprah House. "Now, serviettes. Swan or Sydney Oprah House?"

"Where'd you learn to do that?" Mary asked.

"Many unexpected skills required in the field of criminal investigation." Sherlock said.

"Liar." Alex said.

"I once broke an alibi by demonstrating the exact severity of-"

"We're not John, we can tell when you're fibbing." Mary said.

"Okay, I learnt it on YouTube." Sherlock said.

"Oprah house please." Mary said. She reached into her pocket. "Hold on, I'm buzzing. Hello? Hi, Beth! Yeah, yeah, I don't see why not."

"Actually, if that's Beth, it's probably for me too. Hold on." John said, going into the kitchen with Mary.

"Sherlock, are you scared?" Alex asked.

"I'm not." Sherlock shook his head.

"Lying again." Alex said. "Why are you watching how to make swan serviettes on YouTube then?"

"Because I get bored while you're gone." Sherlock said.

"You're terrified." Alex said.

"I am not." Shelrock said.