𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐀 》𝐍𝐞𝐢𝐥 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐗 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻

❃°⊱✧⁎⋆*۵'•༄'

Todd's POV

I lay down, at the grass, looking at the stars above me. I grab a pen out of my pocket and my notebook, which is next to me, and open it, randomly landing on a page.

"Dear life, I can't wait for you to end any longer. I just wish you could get better. It seems like everything keeps getting worse and worse. I am just a fucking mess. There's just so much pain in my soul. I've been broken my whole life. I've made mistakes. I've made massive mistakes and I only broke my own damn heart. I wish I couldn't feel anything. I should have talked sooner. I should have raised my voice for once in my life and get it all out of my chest.

I've been holding things in for so long, I just need to get rid of every one of those. I'm a mistake. It was all a mistake. I am a fucking wreck. I feel empty. All I can actually feel is my heart breaking into a million pieces. I can hear the blood rushing through my veins as it's being exploded through my body, because of my wounded heart.

My tears have now become the ocean and my the pieces of my heart have become all the deserts. My thoughts are the clouds in the sky and the uncountable stars that are constantly laying above us.
My soul is like the undiscovered ocean. Even the deepest part of it has something new to learn that will probably never be seen by someone else by the host.

I would always lay awake at night, thinking about how perfect my life would be. Now, I'm staying awake, thinking of what's wrong with me. I've been battling with my own damn thoughts for ages. I can't keep living like that for any longer.

I can't understand what the wrong in me is. Could I love two people at the same time? Is it fucking normal? Why do I fucking have to go through this yet? And the bad thing is, this is a forever thing. I will never, never get through this.

Love, love is a burning thing..."

I leave my book next to me and wipe my tears away. I put my hand on my chest, trying to feel my upset heartbeat.I put my head on me knees and then look up at the sky again. I look at the sunrise and at the birds flying peacefully up there. They have no problems. They are carefree. I cover my mouth with my hand again, in order to stop m sobs and I hide my face in my palms.

"Mr.Anderson?"

I hear a soft voice saying and wipe my tears away quickly, as I'm trying to control my sobs and breathing.

"Todd, are you okay?"

Mr.Keating sits next to me and I look up at him, with eyes full of tears. I turn my body towards him and he looks at me, shocked.

"God, Todd! For how long have you been crying? Are you okay?"

I let a loud sob out and slightly move my head.

"I'm not okay."

I breathe out, unable to speak loudly.

"I've been crying all night long. I just can't take this anymore, mr.Keating.''

I look up at the sky and wipe my tears away from my face once more. I look up at him, only to realise that my vision is blurry ftom my tears.

"Todd, talk to me.Let it all out.Tell me what's wrong..."

He says and I look down at my shoes.I really trust him, but what if he doesn't understand?

"It's nothing..I'm just tired. That's all..."

I say loud enough for him to hear.

"Todd, everybody cries..It's okay!Just tell me what's wrong. You can trust me. I care about you, a lot. We will get through this together. I promise."

He says, putting his hand on my shoulder.I take a deep breath,trying to think of the right words to say.

"I-I just suck. I don't know what else to do. I've been quiet for too long, mr.Keating."

I take a deep breath as my sobs are getting harder and harder.

"My life is just messed up, it always was. I feel like nothing at all. Everything is wrong with me."

I say and he looks at me, trying to understand where this whole thing will end.

"Don't say that Todd! You are truly amazing, in your own way..."

"I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing."

"What do you feel?"

"Sadness, anger, depression, pain, shame, suffering, embarassment, envy, despair, apathy, hysteria, frustration, jealousy, disappointmemt, lost, regret, panic, horror, self-hatred, fear, anxiety, horror, guilt, hate, desire, hurt, hopeless, curiosity and just so many more awful things."

I say, letting it all out. At least, trying to...

"Todd, why do you feel all those terrible things?"

He asks me and I take a deep breath.

"You won't understand."

I sigh deeply and my sobs are getting harder.

"You can talk to me, Todd. Always."

He says and that's the part I feel like breaking down.

Tears are running down my face uncontrallably and my sobs keep getting louder. I fall into his arms and break down, crying like never before. Mr.Keating wraps his hands around me and holds me there tightly.He keeps caressing my back and I can feel him tearing up too. My breathing is getting heavier and louder and I just stay there, unable to speak.

"Todd, please calm down. I love and care about you. You don't deserve to feel this way..."

He says and I hug him even tighter.

"I-I-I just-"

I begin saying but my I feel heart getting dropped.

I don't want to feel anymore. I feel like I'm never going to be happy again. My love is just so strong, even though I'm messed up...

Mr.Keating's POV

Seeing Todd crying breaks my heart into a million pieces. He seems so broken. What could ever make a 16 year old guy so...messed up?I wish I could take all his pain away. I can't hold back my tears, honestly. He is in so much pain and he was holding everything that was hurting his soul inside him for years! He deserves happiness. What could possibly hurt his pure soul so much?I keep rubbing my hand on his back, hoping it could calm him down..He is like a son to me and I love him a lot...

❃°⊱✧⁎⋆*۵'•༄'