Believe In Me, My Mate

Chapter 13

Sebastian's pov

She looked at me and for the first time I saw a diffrent expression in her eyes. 'Ever since I was a little girl I heard stories about your pack.

I heard about the big bad alpha named Micah. As I grew up and started training, every single time the war with the blood moon would be mentioned. Even when I went with my family to visit other packs. The mortal enemy- blood moon pack.

There were stories about how your luna was treated, how things were in your pack and other horrible, horrible things.

When I started working in the pack office for my father  I was told to never even by mistake associate myself with bloodmoon pack.

Then at the summit you came. I saw you were my mate and I didn't know what to do, so I ran away. You were his son, micah's son' she said.

'I... I didn't know what to do. I was going to be the luna of the pack of the pack I had heard horror stories about. When I came over here leaving my family behind, I was scared, because I was alone, without my family, I didn't know what was going to happen. I figured if I did my job as your mate and the luna then you would be happy.

But now.... With you acting like this, I just don't understand, anything.'she said and tears came in her eyes.

I got it. She was scared, of me. Watching her breakdown in front of me like this, I didn't even know how to comfort her.

No matter what I did, how well I behaved, our relation will never improve.

I stood there looking at her, my mate.

She had never seen me but still thought of me as a monster.

She did not know I had yearned for her, waited for her to come into my life, I wanted her.

But my fate is so twisted that my own mate thinks I am her worst enemy. Her nightmare that became a reality.

I wanted to get down on my knees, beg her to love me, to accept me.

I wanted my mate to believe in me!

But I can't make her do that nor can her get her to love me, a part of her will always be scared of me. I knew I can't force myself upon her. If this is how the rest of my life along with her will be then I don't want it. I want her to be happy. Really happy. I composed myself and spoke.

'Fine Bella, don't cry. I get it. These walls in your mind cannot be crushed because they have a strong foundation. But the way you are living, no one deserves to live like that even for a second. Bella, if you are more comfortable in your pack, than mine, it's okay, go back.

I know we can't reject each other because it can cause problems in the pack but I am sure we can figure something out. You don't have to do this. Let it be humans, werewolves, anyone of this earth. No one should force themselves to love someone or accept someone.

You, go back, you deserve better. We will figure something out and trusty me bella, you are amazing girl, whoever you choose will be one heck of a lucky guy. When you walk down the aisle towards him, trust me I will be the happiest person in the world.'

'Alpha I....' she began saying but I stopped her. 'It's okay bella. It's okay. I have accepted it. We will never work out. I can wait, for ten years, twenty years, the rest of my life. I will always offer my hand waiting for you to hold it, even when I am old and wrinkled but it will never work because every single time you will bring your hand forward it will not be because you trust me or love me. It will be because you have to and I dont want it to happen.

It will take time, to convince my wolf, to get over all of, this but I will. Just promise me bella, in the future whenever you remember me, just think of me as a good guy you knew, once upon a time. A friend, an old friend. In your worst times, if you ever need help, just send one word and I will be there, that is an alpha's promise. I never really got to know you, but you mean a lot to me. You really do. I am sorry I made you come here.

I should have talked with you, not with your father and family because I intended to live a life with you. Sorry.' I said and turned around.

'I will send someone to pack your bags, you go tomorrow. Yeah. I will explain everything, to everyone. Its okay. Bye Bella.' I said looking at her one last time.

She was crying but looked speechless. I knew I had to do it. For her, for us. Sometimes letting go was the bast option. Just because of my selfishness to have a mate I cannot destroy her life.

I walked forward without looking back because of I did I was afraid that I was not going to be able to let her go.

I went into the pack house and straight to my room. I composed myself and checked my phone. I saw somekne had sent me a video of me and Bella dancing together.

That was where I lost it. I broke down. I cried, cried a lot. For the first time in my life. I wanted my mom so I could lay my head down on her lap and cry. I wanted to hold someone.

But I just sat on my bed and let it all out. I took off my suit and tie because I was feeling suffocated.

I felt like nothing, nothing but an illegitimate child for the first time. An orphan. A result of my father's lust towards a women other than his mate.

I was not destined for love. I don't deserve it. I let her go. I had to let her go.

Starting tomorrow I will go back to my old life. I will think of my time with Bella just like a really good dream that I had once and did not want to forget and move on.

'We can't do that.' my wolf whimpered. 'We can, remember what landyn taught us, a true alpha has the highest morals and sticks by them. Don't do this.' I said to him and he sobbed.

I rolled on my bed and closed my eyes. 'Bella.' I whispered her name once again and fell asleep. I had to accept it.

The walls between us were made out of ice in an endless snowstorm where we both stood. We could never break them, a sun was never going to come bringing the warmth.