Warnings: Uhm angst kind of, Reader is insecure so that’s kind of a touchy topic for some.
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As you walked down the hallway you pulled your sleeves over your hands and folded your cardigan around yourself tilting your head slightly down so your hair fell to curtain your face, the usual routine when you became aware that people could be looking at you. Billie noticed right away, he always did.
“Don’t be that way.”
You frowned and then forced a smile, your insecurities swallowing you whole, you hid your shame and self-hatred with a witty response.
“What? I’m not allowed to fall apart at least twice a day?”
“Maybe once, but not twice.”
Her response was also witty but held a serious tone, not letting you brush this aside as usual, with no witty response to that you stayed quiet.
“I just wish you could feel what you say about others.”
“Mhm like what?”
"Nothing"
Billie let herself smile but grabbed your hands and pulled you to an empty hallway.
“No Y/N, im being Serious. Why can’t you treat yourself the way you treat others?”
“I’m not trying to treat myself differently.”
“You should be as forgiving to yourself as you are to me when I shut myself away from everyone.”
“That’s not your fault.”
“And you’re at fault for something?”
“Well…”
“No excuses, you give everyone unconditional love except yourself.”
“I want to.” You said frowning, trying to hold your composure, the hallway was no place to have an emotional breakdown. Billie watched your face fall and grabbed your hands pulling you down the hallways swiftly wanting to bring you somewhere else. But luckily for you the hallways crowded and the bell rang, class would be your escape from this unwanted conversation.
You managed to avoid Billie after class too, swiftly making your way to your room to hide yourself away, your room was a comfort, your own slice of heaven in your eyes. Your roommates unprying, but still nice to you. The comfort of your sheets, an open window and a book was all you thought you would ever need. But as you made your way to your bed you passed your mirror accidentally meeting your reflection in what you hoped would be an empty room, forced to face yourself for what should have been a fleeting second to anyone else but you dwelled there, staring yourself down.
You stepped closer looking at your reflection picking out all the flaws no one else could notice with a magnifying glass. Things that maybe existed solely in the expanse if your mind filling it to the brim with self hatred and insecurities. You wanted to cry or scream at your reflection, have her scream back and tell you all the things you were feeling in your mind but the room was silent aside from your shallow breaths getting deeper as anger boiled in your chest.
Was it normal to look in the mirror and feel hatred? Not love for your smile or admiration for your kind eyes, without adjusting your hair out of your face so elegantly like everyone else did while passing their reflection.
