Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 23

Hi, I'm posting two chapters today since I won't have any internet connection tomorrow. So you won't get any new chapter from me tomorrow, but after that I'll get on the regular upload schedule. Enjoy!

Lan Wangji saw Wei Ying supposedly gather all his courage and answer his question with a nod. He imagined that it must have really been extremely difficult for the boy to say if he liked or disliked something still, even after he had reassured him that everything would be fine. Lamentably, as soon as Wei Ying showed him his opinion, he once again tensed and looked very frightened. Lan Wangji's heart dropped then.

He had hoped that when he could get such a straight response from the boy, the other would understand that he wanted to help him do what he wished for. He had clearly gotten ahead of himself. Of course, he should have expected this. It was always like this with Wei Ying: one step forwards and two or more steps back. It should really not be this surprising, after all, he had probably not known anything else but this for his whole life. It would not be so easy for him to start trusting someone out of a blue.

As a means of measurement that he did not want to do anything bad to the boy, Lan Wangji squeezed his hand lightly. It had worked wonders in the morning so he hoped that the magical physical contact would prove effective also in this instance. A little unsure of himself, he added without thinking: "Thank you for telling me."

The words left his mouth before he had even consciously decided to say them and it had surprised even him. It seemed though like it was exactly what Wei Ying needed to hear from him right now. His expression brightened and all tension was gone from it from one fraction of a second to the next. Lan Wangji was watching him attentively so he did not miss that tears had gathered in the boy's eyes and a small smile upturned his lips.

He had to silently congratulate himself. No, that was not right, if he had stopped to think about what he should say, this moment would have been ruined by his hesitation. It was only because he for once spoke without thinking, what he had said was coming directly from his heart. And the effects were just fabulous. He should try not to overthink when speaking more often.

He squeezed the boy's hand again and waited a bit before the other would calm down. Not too long though, he did not want him to be overthinking things either. In the end, he gently tugged at his hand and Wei Ying obediently stood up.

Lan Wangji suddenly found his breath stolen from him. The boy stood there, no nervousness or fear in his very posture. There were tears running down his cheeks but that was fine, Lan Wangji was sure at this very moment, that they were happy or relieved tears. What however shocked him the most was the fact that Wei Ying was not standing in his hunched into himself posture he usually assumed. The boy was looking directly at him with such adoration in his eyes, as if he thought that Lan Wangji had just offered him sun and moon on a gold plate.

Seeing this, Lan Wangji felt a little uncomfortable. He was not used to having someone looking up to him like this. He felt the weight of the responsibility on his shoulders. He could not disappoint Wei Ying. Especially not when the boy was putting so much faith into him and was showing him this seemingly endless amount of trust. He was lightheaded and had to remember to take in a breath before he would possibly faint from the lack of oxygen in his lungs.

It did not help at all that the boy's smile was the widest Lan Wangji had seen on his face in these last days. It was doing something to his heart and he could not quite name that feeling. It was still nowhere near that blinding and dazzling grin a child Wei Ying had once given him, but it was such a big improvement that he wanted to hug the boy and congratulate him for it.

He was however not sure it would be received well. While Wei Ying was definitely opening up to him and was not flinching away from him upon his every move directed towards him, holding his hand in silent support and hugging him were two completely different things. Lan Wangji was not sure where this particular desire of his had come from, he had never been one to favour or seek physical contact, especially one of this intimate nature.

He however shook his head internally, now was not the time to think about that. Instead, he focused on the boy standing in front of him with that incredibly innocent and hopeful expression. His eyes were shining and Lan Wangji never wanted to see any other expression on him than this unfiltered joy.

He wanted to hold onto the hand in his for a bit longer but he knew better than to make Wei Ying this excited and not go through with his actions. The last thing he wanted was for the boy to stop trusting him or to become anxious because of his silence.

"Choose and read," he let go of Wei Ying's hand and gestured towards the closest bookshelf.

He watched as the boy's face literally lit up when he said that they could read now. It seemed like he had only been hoping previously but now he truly and wholeheartedly believed his intentions. It was good, Lan Wangji needed to solidify that fragile trust, it would be the foundation for Wei Ying's recovery.

The boy looked at him for one last second and then turned around to go towards the bookshelf Lan Wangji had just indicated. His steps wavered in the middle of that short distance. He was hesitating still. It was both adorable and heart-breaking.

"Mn," gave Lan Wangji a sign of approval and watched with delight how Wei Ying's steps hastened until he was standing right next to the bookshelf.

Lan Wangji had to smile to himself when he imagined how the boy's eyes were now scanning the names of the books as he was choosing one that he would like to immerse himself in. Wei Ying had his back to him so of course he could not see it with his own eyes but he could guess and imagine. He went to choose a book for himself as well, leaving Wei Ying to peacefully enjoy his freedom of choice.

Lan Wangji sat down in one of the armchairs which his uncle had especially ordered for the library. They were big and comfortable, just right for reading. There were two of them in this particular library and more in other libraries of the Cloud Recesses Manor. He wanted to pamper Wei Ying even more and enjoy reading side by side with him in these ancient pieces of furniture.

As he was imagining the boy's awe while he would not only read but be sitting comfortably without a care in the world, Wei Ying did yet again something which horrified him. As if the boy's actions were not heart-breaking enough as it was, he chose a book and proceeded to sit directly on the ground. He did not even glance to any of the reading places set up in the whole library, no sitting mats, rugs or chairs, or the pair of armchairs.

Lan Wangji's heart stopped once more and tear stung in his eyes. It was so sad to see that that Wei Ying very clearly did not think he was allowed to sit in any of those and thought that the only place he was allowed to use was the hard floor. He had been sick too and he still did not dare to use any furniture in the room without being explicitly told so.

"Wei Ying, come sit here with me?" Lan Wangji called him over gently once he got over the initial shock of the realization. If Wei Ying needed a permission, he would gladly give it as many times as needed until he learned that he did not have to ask for one at all.

The boy all but jumped to his feet and run to him. If it were under any other circumstances, it would look adorable, like a happy puppy being called over by his owner. Although it apparently made Wei Ying happy and that was all that mattered. Lan Wangji smiled back to him, satisfied.

Not for long though because instead of going to use the armchair, Wei Ying looked like he was about to sit down on the floor again, only by Lan Wangji's feet this time. It still did not seem clear to him what Lan Wangji wanted him to do.

Since the boy was still looking at him, with a confused expression now instead of that oh so bright smile, Lan Wangji gestured towards the other armchair. Luckily, this time, it did not scare Wei Ying it would seem. The smile was back which Lan Wangji was glad about but he did not appreciate the deep bow that Wei Ying gave him before going to sit where he had been indicated and opened the book to read.

Lan Wangji was puzzled and could only observe him silently. He was not sure what that bow meant: either it was Wei Ying showing gratitude or accepting an order. He really wanted to know but did not dare to distract the boy from reading anymore. He would most probably not get a response anyway. He only sighed and opened his book as well, he continued where he had finished a few days before while occasionally checking on the boy.