The love letter and the suicide note

28 days until suicide

"Are you okay?" Astra was worried all day when he had hung up on her. Even though he said nothing was wrong, she didn't believe him.

That's what broken people always said, that nothing was wrong and they were okay. But they're not, they never are. They just want everyone to believe they are because they don't want to be a burden.

Her sister always said she was okay and nothing was wrong, but there was, because if there wasn't, she'd still be there.

"I'm fine."

Exactly her point, they lie. Well, it's not really lying, because to them, they feel like they have to be fine. They feel like the world and everybody in it wants and needs them to be fine. That's why they always say they're fine.

That's why he said he was fine.

He didn't sound fine, though, he sounded exhausted. He sounded weak. He sounded broken.

"Please don't lie to me, that's what my sister kept saying to me before she..." Astra trailed off, not wanting to talk about her sister right now.

"I'm sorry."

Astra was quiet for a moment, remembering how her sister acted the past weeks before she took her life. She had been smiling, laughing, having the time of her life. She looked so happy.

She was happy because she had finally made the decision to end it, and it made her happy because she knew that when she left this world, she would finally be at peace and wouldn't be hurting anymore.

That was the most heartbreaking thing about broken people. When they're finally happy is when they finally make the decision to end it, and it makes them happy because they won't be in anymore pain. That's why it's always important to check up on your loved ones, even if they seem happy and okay, doesn't mean they always are.

Deep down, no matter how happy one seems on the outside, deep down there's darker secrets than they're willing to show. Secrets that can be dangerous, and eventually those secrets will break them. Eventually they'll finally have had enough and end their life, too hurt to do anything else. Too broken by their scars and secrets. Just wanting to escape. Just like her sister.

"Don't lie." Astra's voice cracked a little as she turned to look at the picture of her and her little sister laughing at their favorite place in the whole world.

Bok Tower Gardens.

They'd spend most of their time by the beautiful pond, feeding the koi fish and admiring how beautiful the singing tower was.

In the picture, her sister had made a joke about the fish, and they both laughed. Her sisters boyfriend took the picture, and it had been both of their favorites ever since.

She had been happy. She had a lot of good friends, she had an amazing boyfriend who loved her so much, and she had an older sister who loved her more than anything. She was very smart, and she was passing all her classes. Her teachers loved her, everybody loved her. She wasn't alone, but maybe she felt like she was.

Maybe deep down, no matter how happy she seemed, she felt alone. She felt like she had to leave to be happy.

"Star, please don't cry."

Astra didn't realize she had started crying until Orson spoke in her ear. She held tightly onto her phone as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand and sniffled.

"Just don't lie to me okay? Why don't we make up our own thing for when we're not okay. I know how hard it is to say 'I'm not okay' so why don't we say it in our own way?"

"What do you mean?"

"Explain how you feel with a forest. Imagine your feelings are the plants and animals and outside surroundings. For example, right now my butterfly has a broken wing. She's barely getting places, she can barely fly, but she hasn't given up yet, and she'll keep fighting against her broken wing to fly again. You try now."

"Why?" He asked.

"I feel like it's easier to explain how you feel. That way, you don't have to straight up say you aren't okay. You can turn your pain into something beautiful. Like a poem of some sort. Turn pain into beauty. Can you at least try it? If you don't like it we can stop, but you'll never know if it works until you try it."

Orson was quiet for a minute, but then he started talking.

"My sky is dark and cloudy, and rain is pouring down. My animals are soaked, running back to their homes in hopes of getting away from the rain, to dry off and get warm. But as a fox is running back to his den, he gets caught in a trap a hunter set down. He screams, but nobody hears him, and now he's stuck and has nowhere to go. He can't get away. He's trapped, and the water continues to pour down, soaking him and making him feel like he's suffocating. He's drowning alone with no signs of help anywhere. The other animals see him, they look right at him, but they leave him alone to drown."

"Oh wow, um, that was good! That was a little dark, but you get what I'm saying. I'm sorry you feel that way, I wish I could take all that pain away."

"That actually helped." Orson's voice was quiet, but Astra heard him, and she smiled.

"I'm glad."