The love letter and the suicide note

5:15pm

"Hey, it's me again. It's been almost 2 days. Can you please call me back? I'm really worried. Please."

As soon as Astra stopped the voicemail and turned to put her phone down, it started buzzing and she flipped it over to see the number she had been calling for almost 2 days.

She immediately picked up.

"Where have you been? Have you any idea how worried I was? I thought you... I thought you killed yourself. Don't ever do that to me ever again! You scared me." Tears streamed down Astra's face as she brought a hand up to cover her mouth.

She gasped for a breath as she sobbed. Why was she crying? Why did it hurt this bad?

"Do you still want to meet tomorrow?"

Astra was quiet for a moment.

She wasn't expecting him to say that, but hearing it made her feel a little better. Of course she wanted to meet up with him, especially since he hadn't talked to her in almost 2 days. She needed to see him. She wanted to see if he was okay.

"Yes."

"Meet me at Lake Toho. 1pm."

"Okay."

Astra was happy that he changed his mind. She wanted to help him, she wanted to show him all the amazing places in the area to show him just how beautiful life really was.

She wanted to be his friend and show him that she cared. She wanted to show him that she was there for him and he wasn't alone.

She didn't want him to kill himself. Maybe if he learned that there was someone out there that cares about him, then he would change his mind. Sometimes all we really want is someone who cares, someone who sees us, someone who wants us to stay and be there.

A lot of them deny it, but most broken people just want someone to see them, to hear their cries for help. People will see them, they'll see them as another person just walking around this world and doing things everyone else does. People will see them as just another normal human being.

But they don't see them. They just look right past, their eyes never once actually seeing them, just going right past. They don't see the pain that's hidden deep inside, they don't see how tired they are and how close they are to giving up. They don't see them.

They don't see the signs, because sometimes someone is so good at putting a mask on.

Astra wanted to be that someone for Orson. The one who sees him, who actually sees him. The one he always wanted, the one he probably won't admit to wanting, but wants more than anything.

She was going to save him. She couldn't save her sister, but she could save him, and that's what she was going to do.

"I'll tell Carly I'm going to go out to clear my head of things, I don't want her to know and come along with me. That sounds mean but she's a little crazy and I don't think you'd want someone as crazy as her around you. I love her, but she says whatever comes to her mind, even if it's rude." Astra lowered her voice so her friend wouldn't hear as she rolled onto her side and pressed the phone tightly to her ear.

"Star?"

"Yes."

"Is this a bad idea?"

Astra shook her head even though he couldn't see her. She didn't think it was a bad idea, but she was kind of nervous to meet a stranger. So many bad things have happened to people who did the exact thing she was going to do.

But she trusted her heart when it told her he wasn't like those people. She trusted her heart more than her brain. She always did.

Her heart always seemed to be right.

"I don't think it is, but if you don't want to meet up just yet it's okay, we don't have to. We can-"

"No, I want to do this tomorrow." Astra noticed that he sounded different. She hadn't noticed it before, but now she did.

He sounded exhausted. Like he hadn't slept in a long time. He sounded weak and his voice was a little raspy, and Astra took a deep breath before she spoke. "Bear Cub, are you okay? And please don't lie to me."

Orson was quiet for a moment, but then after a minute she heard the beeping sound of someone hanging up.

She pulled the phone away from her ear and started crying as she saw the blank screen staring back at her. She was crying again, she didn't know why she was. Lately, every little thing made her cry.

Even if she lost her pen, she'd have a mental breakdown. That's just how it was when you feel broken, alone, and depressed.

You're emotional to every little thing, even as stupid as losing a pen.

____

Quick question real quick because I'm very curious!

What was the most dumbest and funniest thing you had a mental breakdown over? Of course it's not funny while it's happening, but afterwards it is.

I'll go first. My mom asked me to get granola bars for my little siblings one day, and I went into the pantry to get them some. The box was unopened and I struggled to get it open.

I had a mental breakdown because I couldn't open a god damn granola bar box🤣🤣

Of course, I was struggling a lot when that happened so it wasn't funny then, but it's hilarious now!