Dim.

32. Path Misdirected.

I'm starting to feel like,

My feelings are pointless.

Having them are pointless.

I'm overwhelmed with,

My immense amount of feelings.

Feelings that I only care about.

That could never be reciprocated.

I am vulnerable.

So very vulnerable,

The slightest push,

Would break me apart.

I'm pretending to be okay,

With my situation.

When I know I'm crying,

Myself to sleep some nights.

That I'm blaming myself,

For all the hurt that I've caused myself.

All the hurt he caused me,

He thinks it was unintentional,

And will never take blame.

So I carry his shame daily.

Knowing it will never be made right.

All the people that I needed,

I pushed away subconsciously.

I'm at arm's length.

I'm not happy.

I'm empty.

I'm alone.

I'm hurting more than anything.

I'm tired of feeling.

Feeling so overwhelmed,

With my emotions.

If there was a switch,

I would flip it all off.

I want to be cold.

I'm tired of having this big heart,

That I pour into people,

Who deceive me.

Who never see me for what I am.

Someone who was worth the trouble.

Someone who was innocent,

Someone you wouldn't want to harm,

You would've done no evil,

If you saw me for me.

But maybe that's the thing.

Maybe I'm so empty,

And so broken,

That I'm not worth anything at all.

Maybe my feelings are pointless.

Maybe I'm misdirected from my path.

I'm starting to feel like I'm lost.

With no way to find myself.

No way to find my path.

Maybe I deserved this.

This trauma that has me feeling,

More like death than alive.

This trauma has me feeling,

Like there's no air,

Or no places to rise.

A dead phoenix,

Who never rises out of her ashes.

She's only left behind.