I can't take back what happened. I can't take back the trauma. The safety net I felt before. The safety in my own skin and with others around me. He took that from me, my innocence and I'm still growing it back. That trust I lost so quick for being naïve thinking someone else wouldn't be that evil.
He took too much and left me disposable afterwards. I saw my skin as used and stretched. And I didn't feel good for so long. I held it in. I tried to forget. But I'd look in the mirror and feel like he still owned me. That he took that right from me. To own my body. My skin was still crawling like I could feel his touch still.
I could still feel him on me. His hands so rough and aggressive but so confident. Like it wasn't the first time he'd taken something like this from someone. My pleading being lost in translation somehow. Somehow fueling him to continue. Somehow making him think this is what I wanted. The way his breath felt on my skin. How used I felt. How useless and unworthy and invaluable I was now. After this trauma.
He just said goodbye. And left me with these insecurities and trust issues and trauma. Left me with the nightmares of him crawling back in and getting his way. He never saw any wrong to his doings.
I wonder, have there been more girls? Was I his first? Did he take something else from someone else who was just as naïve? Does any other woman out there feel the fear I feel when I hear his name?
- National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673.
STAI LEGGENDO
Dim.
PoesiaTired of trying to be everything. Trying to be perfect. Wrong paths and wrong people and missed opportunities. Am I letting my mental illness take over my life? A look into the mind of a BPD, Anxiety ridden woman. With no identity but her Panic. W...
