Dim.

62. Self to Self Guidance.

Self: I feel weakened by this.

Like as if,

He took a part of my energy with him.

And I don't want to say I soul tied again.

Because this was toxic,

It wasn't mutual.

But I don't know how,

I'm supposed to pretend.

And hold back my feelings,

That I worked so hard on maintaining.

I don't know what else to do,

With the way I feel.

Because I know I'm too much to handle.

Like my brain produces,

Nothing that matters.

No dopamine's.

No serotonins.

No happy endings for me,

Like a happy never after.

Is this something I deserve?

Is it my fault I get hurt?

Do I push people away...

Am I coming off too strong?

This isn't what I want.

Heart: Relax. Breathe.

Self: This isn't what I want.

I'm hurting more than I could think.

I'm hurting everyone,

And I've reached my brink.

I just want to end it.

Right here,

Right now.

I don't want to fight.

I want to surrender.

I no longer want to breathe.

Heart: I told you this would happen.

Your instincts you have to trust.

We can't be naïve.

And now here we are,

No longer feeling glee.

You were happy and I told you.

It wouldn't matter what you felt.

So lock it away.

Hide the key.

Take it away and keep it.

Don't let anyone in.

I'm trying to preserve us,

The little that we are.

Relax.

Breathe.

And let me handle our hurt.

The only way I know how.

I need you to relax.

We need to be here.

You and me.

Self: But if I run us into a tree,

I'll have nobody to answer to but me.

I'll finally feel quiet,

Still,

And at peace.

And my heart will no longer beat.

I'll have no one to answer to.

That's how it should be.

Not after this trauma that's happened to me.

He left again,

Then came him,

Who ruined me past fixing.

Who robbed me of my being.

Heart: Relax.

Breathe.

You're thinking crazy.

Like I'm not here to save you.

To protect you from you.

Your mind is sick.

Not your heart.

Your damaging us,

But I know where to start.

To fix us we have to be here.

You have to believe in me.

Our heart needs to beat.

Or we'll have God to explain to.

You think all will be quiet

Still and at peace.

But do you think we'll make it to heaven,

If you do this?

It's the Devil speaking into our ear.

You're listening.

And God is who you should fear.

Self: What do I do heart?

Heart: We fight.

Please.

All we can do is fight.

Our heart is holed.

And less than whole,

But we have each other.

Please.

I'll never leave.

I'll protect us.

We can do this if you believe.

Self: This is a battle

That I don't see us winning.

Heart: Well have you tried?

Self: ... You're right.

Heart: Please.

We fight.

And we'll succeed.

I promise you,

We'll be able to breathe,

Evenly again someday.

But for now we fight this.

Please.

Self: We fight,

You and me?

We'll do this together.

You think we'll succeed?

Heart: Yes.

I know we will.

We are more than what you see.

You're panicking and can't see.

But know that we are.

We have more to do.

This isn't the end.

Just the beginning for us.

Will you help me and fight for us too?

Please!

I'm begging you.

Self: Yes.

I'll fight for us.

Heart: Then we have work to do.

Self: We do.