I'm gonna be like this for a very long time. Something's do not change. You'll think I'm getting better but really I'm getting better at holding it in, at hiding my emotions. I'm a burden. All I bring is stress and pain and hurt and frustration and more disappointment. And everything I see in you is good. So much fucking light inside of you. You're like a damn lighthouse and I just want you to fill me with that light. That positivity. That gratitude for life that I don't have.
I'm so void of everything meaningful. I can't hold on to anything that could fix me. I feel trapped... which is why I can't submerge you in this life. My life that has no meaning. The only thing certain is an expiration date that God has no control over. I can't burden you the way I've burdened everyone. I can't poison you with my ways. I'll make you sick til' you become just like me. Empty. It might be better for us to part our ways but I've already embedded so much of you into me. There's so much more out there for you. So much more than my brokenness.
I can't burden you with this pain when you can do so much more than me. I'm used now, I lost value and worth. Value and worth I already didn't have. I'm no longer just yours. I held onto that value that you gave me, but he took it just like that. Now I'm his too. Forever embedded him into me too. The worst kind of soul tie, not like me and you. He took so much I don't think he left enough for you or even me. He left me passive and you don't deserve a blackhole. You deserve more..
Goodbye.
- Written on 07/20/2020
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Dim.
PoetryTired of trying to be everything. Trying to be perfect. Wrong paths and wrong people and missed opportunities. Am I letting my mental illness take over my life? A look into the mind of a BPD, Anxiety ridden woman. With no identity but her Panic. W...
