What do you do when someone robs you of your innocence? Your light? Your validation? Your mind, your trust, your body and soul? How are you supposed to feel when shit goes left? When you're left alone in the dark with
no one to guide the way back, how do you survive?
My innocence was robbed. And I don't know how to feel. I'm not processing this properly. I'm not feeling anything real. I feel small. I feel voiceless. I feel scared. But most importantly I feel nothing at the same time. I think I lost every part of me that held onto the light inside of me. To the point I carried that trauma with me unknowingly and triggered the worst in me. The impulsive me.
Now I'm back to square one. Trying to feel human again, and I did for a while. But somewhere in all that happiness, my body felt used, not by the love that was given to me. I didn't feel pure. I didn't feel like my body was my own. My sexuality didn't feel fluid. I'd look in the mirror and think, "Why does he still own me?" Someone who took something that never belonged to him. Somebody who was a nobody, who didn't matter in my story.
He left me crippled unknowingly. I still see his face, I feel his hands tightening, I feel his grip, a grip I've never felt before. I feel his breath against the nape of my neck. I feel the tension in the air, sexual for him but for me
the tension screamed red flags and danger.
But most of all I feel my fear....
I still feel my fear.
- Written 10/12/2020.
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Dim.
PoetryTired of trying to be everything. Trying to be perfect. Wrong paths and wrong people and missed opportunities. Am I letting my mental illness take over my life? A look into the mind of a BPD, Anxiety ridden woman. With no identity but her Panic. W...
