What You Caused

62.

**not edited**

Chapter 62 | New Years Party

Isabella:

It has been 6 days since I had told Lucas about my eating disorder and although I feel a little lighter for getting it all off of my shoulders - things are pretty much looking the same for me. Even worse perhaps. I'm still stuck in this dark rut and the inner conflict in my mind seems to have only increased up a notch these past few days.

Talking aloud with Lucas had reminded me of my therapy sessions which in turn reminded me of why I had wanted to get better in the first place. So now, not only did I have the thoughts telling me not to eat, but I now also had the ones nagging me to get better. I felt guilty for eating but also guilty for not eating and purging and digging myself even deeper in this dark hole. I would wake up with motivation that this would be the day where I could stomach eating at least one full meal but by night I found myself with an empty stomach for having wretched my guts out and sore muscles for exercising profusely. My mom and grandmother were worried about me, not knowing how to help and my father had even extended his stay to keep an eye out for me.

In those 6 days also, Lucas has been around every single day. I, surprisingly, find myself not completely hating his presence like I had been a week prior and I don't know what to think about that. I guess for now, it has to do with the fact that he is the only person right now who actually treats me normal and not like I'm some fragile doll and not because I've necessarily revaluated our friendship status or anything like that. I'm still somewhat rocky with him, it's less since I told him everything, but it's still rocky.

He is still insistent with the idea that he's going to make it up to me somehow, whatever that fucking entails, that is why he has been coming around all week. I can also tell that he is more respectful and careful about my boundaries now, for instance, he always calls or texts to ask if he can come over instead of just showing up in our kitchen which is growth, as small as it is.

The only other two who still treat me like normal and refuse to walk around me like they're stepping on eggshells, I haven't seen in a while. Mia had popped round 2 days ago and Grace 3 but both have guests staying over for the rest of Christmas break so are busy with family but I'll be seeing them later tonight for the new years party they're dragging me too anyways.

***

"Mia," I say, eyes widening in fear and gesturing with my hands to calm down. "Put the hanger down, gently, slowly, just...put it down."

"NO!" She screams before proceeding to chuck the hanger across the room. It makes a loud noise as it collides with the wall before clattering to the floor. "I WILL NOT CALM DOWN HOW DARE SHE!" Her entire face grows red and she is mere seconds away from going on a rampage and destroying everything in her sight.

Grace on the other hand sobs loudly and chucks her arms around me. "I can't believe you told him, I'm so proud," she cries, squeezing me in a hug so tightly I can barely breathe.

I shut my eyes shut in reaction to the whirlwind of emotions swirling around in my room. "Guys calm down please!" I whine already regretting telling the two of them of the events that went down on Christmas.

"NO! Bella, I demand that you give me that smelly slime ball bitch ass bitch hoe's address so that I can pull up to her house, hunt her down and shove this hanger up her ass so hard I can yank her brain out of her vagina!"

"I'll drive," Grace sniffles, raising her hand.

"I also can't believe you only just told us! That's freaking 6 days later after it happened!" Mia continues to scream, flailing her hands in the air before shooting me a stern glare.