The Cure To My Pain ✔️

41. The pain

A tear slides down my cheek as I look at Percy in shock. I put a hand on mouth as I start sobbing. I try to process what he just told me. I try to digest the truth but it's so hard. So hard to comprehend. So hard to come to terms with.

I struggle to breathe as more sobs rip out of me. Ash rubs my back,"Breathe, baby calm down."

I place my hand on my chest and try to breathe. But I can't stop crying. How can I? I spent all of this time trying to hate my parents but all they ever did was love me, till their last breath. It hurts, my heart fucking hurts.

Percy sighs,"Lee, we gotta do something. You can't let him have what he wants. Your parents-."

"Will you fucking stop for a minute!" Ash tries to brush my tears but they do not stop.

Horrifying images fill my mind. My parents bleeding down while I slept in my bed unaware of what was happening. They took their last breaths beside each other, while I slept with the thought of seeing them again the next day. But that did not happen, I never saw them again, I never will.

They are dead. They always were. They were killed. Murdered. They did not sell me. They did not give me away. They loved me. I wasn't unwanted. The moments I shared with them, the love I felt wasn't fake. It was all real. Everything was real.

Everything I was told was fake. Whatever I was made to believe was fake.

I completely break out and sobs ripple out me, tears flow down my cheeks like a water fall.

"Lee I know it's too much to take in, but now you- we know what happened-."

"Oh for fucks sake Percy! Stop it!" Ash runs his hand in my hair and pulls my face on his chest.

Percy sighs,"I cannot! You don't understand if we don't-."

"Percy! Not now." I pull my head back from Ash's chest and whisper,"Please, not now. Please just go, please."

I fall back in his arms and try to stop crying but it's of no use.

"Okay," Percy says softly,"I know this won't mean nothing and it won't change a damn thing but I still want to apologize. I don't expect to be forgiven, hell I shouldn't be forgiven. But I still want you to know I regret every fucking thing I did to you. I am sorry, Lee. I'm so sorry."

I hear his footsteps retreat out of the door. This makes me cry harder, I couldn't control my cries. All the nights I feared him, all the dreams I had. He apologised to me. He regrets everything, why does it make me cry? Not in pain but in relief. Relief that he realised I didn't deserved any of that, I didn't deserved that pain.

I cry for myself, I cry for my dad, I cry for my mom. I cry for how they were snatched away from me. I cry for how they didn't deserve the death they got. I cry for much I hate myself for burying every memory I had of them. How I pushed every remains of my parents in the back of my mind. How I resented them for giving me up but all they did was love.

"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay " Ash keeps on rubbing my back,"It's okay, let it all out. Don't hold back."

I sniff against his shirt and clutch onto him for comfort. I don't know for how long do I cry, or how long do I just lay my head on his chest but I finally pull away from him.

My tears have stopped but not the pain. I turn to Ash who is waiting patiently for me to say something,"Why did this happen to me? I couldn't even mourn their death. Why did he try to make me hate them. Why?".

He takes my hands in his and gives my knuckles a soft kiss,"I spent all these years crying but I was crying for the wrong reason. I should have cried for them instead I kept crying for myself!"