The Cure To My Pain ✔️

34. Is it enough?

Asher's POV

Crushed, that's what I'm feeling right now, totally and utterly crushed. I feel numb, but on the other hand hurt is consuming my body. I don't know what to feel, what do believe, what do think. I want this to be a dream, a nightmare, I want someone to pull me out of this, if that's even a case to consider.

What the fuck just happened!

Just a few minutes ago I was waiting to be home to my friends, my mom, my Lee. Fuck, I doubt I can even call her mine, was she ever?

"Ash!" I stop short at her voice, closing my eyes shut.

Will I be able to see her the same?

"Ash, please let me explain." Her voice cracks, piercing my heart.

I take a huge breath and turn around to face her. She is holding back tears and it's so hard not to hold her and lessen the pain. But before that there is something I need to know which is killing me inside,"Just one question, did you know about this place before me?"

She lowers her eyes and a lone tear slips down her cheek. I scoff and chuckle humourlessly,"Right, which means you knew Percy too. And I looked like a fool protecting you from him. Wow!"

She sniffs,"I've always been in this place Ash, and I can't change that. But it doesn't have to change anything between us."

"I don't know about that Lee. Yes, I admit I was the one who told you to take your time. But I didn't know I was living a lie." I shake my head,"Was it even real? What we shared?"

"Yes it was! Everything was real, I was the most real I can get with you. I swear Ash, please believe me." She pleads me.

"I don't know what to believe anymore." I sigh cursing,"It's not about you being involved in this. I-I came to you every time I was hurting, I cried in front of you, I cursed this place in front of you and found comfort in you. And now that I know, that you were a part of this all along, it messes with my head. Everything we shared, it doesn't feel our's anymore."

"I'm the same person Ash. I never faked concern. At first when I hid this from you, it was because I didn't wanted you to get involved in this but then, you became the most important person in my life and I was scared to lose you." She comes near me and holds my cheeks in her hands, tears streaming down her eyes,"I love you, I always have. The girl you fell in love with is the real me Ash, trust me."

I look in her eyes, full of sincerity. I know she isn't lying. Is it enough though? To make everything right? I hold both of her wrists with my hands and lower them,"I've always trusted you. But I don't know about now."

A sob broke out from her,"You said my life won't change anything between us."

"Because I didn't know your life was a part of mine too." I step back,"I just need time to process this, whatever this is- I just... I have to go."

I turn around and start walking to my car. Lee sobs hard but doesn't stop me this time. It takes everything in me to not turn around and stop her pain. I get inside my car and slam the door shut. I slump the back of my head on the car seat and close my eyes. I focus on my breathing and my erratic heartbeat.

"Fuck!" I slam my hand on the steering wheel, loosing my cool.

I can't stop replaying what happened. It was just this morning, Lee and I kissed in the hallway, I had a great time at lunch, I felt at ease when Lee wished me luck, this was turning out to be the best birthday. Well, when do I ever get what I want, something's gotta ruin it right? Or I would rather say someone. He always is the one who doesn't like it when I'm having everything my way. I still can see his face in front of my eyes. Eyes full gleaming, the smirk on his face when he fed me the cake, knowing full well how bitter it actually tasted at that moment. What hurt the most this time was that he never had to do anything, it was all Lee.