Klaine Oneshots

Santana

"Kurt?" There was a knock on his door and Kurt put down the pamphlet he was reading, trying to control the blush on his cheeks.

"Come in." The door opened and his dad came in, carrying a plate. He set it down on the desk and went to leave before hesitating. "Kurt, you tell that kid Blaine that he's a good friend. Not many guys would do what he did for their friends and I treated him badly for it and I shouldn't have."

"Wait, what did Blaine do?"

"Do you think I would've thought of pamphlets myself, or known where to get them?" Burt shrugged, already halfway out the door. "He told me that you needed some more information, so I got it for you. See you in the morning kiddo."

Kurt stared at the door then fell backwards onto the bed. Blaine told my Dad to give me THE TALK? What the hell?

He knew it all came back to the sexy lessons where Kurt had admitted to not knowing anything, then getting annoyed when Blaine tried to teach him. And now he thinks you're such a sad case, he got your dad to get you pamphlets. Kurt groaned, staring at the ceiling.

Kurt knew he wasn't particularly sexy. All his life, if he had heard anything positive it was about how adorable or cute he was. Brittany and Mercedes both called him beautiful. But nobody said he was hot or sexy or anything like that. He knew it was his downfall, in fact Santana had told him as much in one of her bitch sessions - that was where he had gotten the baby penguin comparison from.

Wait. Kurt sat up, remembering back to that conversation. What else had she said?

"Kurt, right now you have the sex appeal of a baby penguin which is why no guy wants to get his freaky on with you. You need lessons from someone who knows her sexy."

Could he actually lower himself to take sexy lessons from Santana Lopez? Kurt deliberated for a second before his eye caught on the pamphlets and he remembered the look on Blaine's face during their talk. Grabbing his phone, Kurt found Santana's number and hit call.

"Alright, Hummel, you're in luck. Brit and I were having a sleepover tonight, so you get the help of the two sexiest girls at McKinley. And we have some experience to go off because you've made out with Brittany."

"Well, she made out with me, actually," Kurt interjected, feeling slightly uncomfortable. He was sitting on the end of Santana's bed, facing her and Brittany who were curled up together against the pillows.

"He has really soft lips."

Kurt blinked. "Um, thanks?"

"That's a good thing, Hummel. It'll be in your favour when your boy toy finally realizes what he wants and goes in for some action." Santana flicked her hair back, linking pinkies with Brittany. "So, let's get down to business. I can't teach you sexy."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Then why did you get me over here?"

"So we can have a threesome?" Santana and Kurt both turned to stare at the blonde girl who had spoken. She shrugged. "I've kissed you both before."

And now Kurt was looking at a slightly-uncomfortable Santana who stared back defiantly as if daring him to judge. He laughed. "Santana, I'm gay. You think I'd judge you?"

Something shifted in her face and she nodded. "Right. Anyway, I can't teach you because sexy isn't something you learn. It's already a part of you, you need to learn how to harness it. For example, I'm sexy because I show my assets and flaunt what I've got. I'm a bitch and I don't take no for an answer and for some reason that turns guys on. Not all of them, but it works for me."