Perfect people don't exist

Chapter 14

Carter:

Honestly, I had to admit that it wasn't that bad hanging out with Martin and Ezra. They weren't dicks to each other like I thought they would be. My personality had sort of changed. I guess I felt more confident? I don't know. I used to be a little more confident than my state for the last few years. Only a bit.

This whole afternoon Ezra has been on my mind, and what he said about Martin. I just didn't know and I knew Ezra was just trying to help but it is hard when he doesn't even know the half of Martin's and mine relationship. Then again that would also be my fault because I never told him shit. Everything is my fault. No wonder Ty didn't love me and Martin left.

I sighed and looked at my back in the mirror. It wasn't the easiest thing to do since my neck couldn't do a 360 with my neck. I could see my spine almost as if it wasn't covered by the skin, this is what I wanted. Maybe mot to look like a skeleton... but I wanted to be skinny. Now that I am, maybe I could allow myself to eat. You really think you're skinny. You have barely lost any weight. Look at your stomach and all those body rolls! I looked down to my stomach and saw. My satisfied face quickly turned to a look of disgust and horrid. I was so much fatter from the front. I guess, I was no where near the weight I wanted.

I covered myself with my sheets and left my duvet off. I was cold but maybe if I scrunched myself into a tight enough ball then I would become warm.

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I woke up to a pain in my stomach. Then my eyes flashed open. Dad stood above me, kicking me in the stomach. How did I not realise this until now!?

I touched the back of my head with my hand and then looked at it. Blood? Did this douche just give me a fucking concussion!?

He kicked me in the rib again, causing me to cough unintentionally.

"Shut up you idiot. How many times must I tell you to just stay silent. That is the only thing you're good at!" He feuded.

So that is what I did for the next eternity. I stayed silent and let the tears stream down my cheek. I could always cover the bruises he left on my stomach, but the one on my head. That one was going to be a little harder to keep hidden.

Once he got sick of using his personal punching bag he stormed away. I crawled up the stairs and into my room.

I tugged on a jumper and then began tending to my head. Shit. I could not do this whilst I could still feel everything. I got the bottle down from the shelf and open the capsule and tipped the contents into my mouth swallowing it as if it was a pill. It made my mouth feel incredibly dry, though soon enough I could feel myself getting a little hyper.

I felt dizzy and so I just let myself collapse onto the floor. It was better than stumbling around and making loud noises. I grabbed the cup of water and chugged it. I needed the effects to ware of a little so it would just leave me numb.

I didn't know how I was supposed to cope at school today, but I guess I would find out soon enough. The numbing kicked in and I could finally work on the blood that was smeared around on the side of my head.

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"Hey, I thought you died or something," Ezra joked when I walked in.

I nodded, not wanting to talk because I was scare my words would come out slurred or I would say the wrong thing. The drug obviously still hadn't worn off and I was sort of regretting not using it at a better time. I could have just taken some of the pills to make me feel numb, but no. My fucked up brain thought I should go for the drugs to feel numb. Whatever.

The periods to lunch came quickly. A little too quickly. Fortunately the capsule had practically worn off, so it was safe for me to at least speak.