Perfect people don't exist

Chapter 24

Carter:

Martin wanted to meet up. I wanted to talk to him as well. The way we left off was not good. Especially now that my life was looking up, it was probably the best time to talk to him.

"Hey." I greeted.

He looked up at me beaming. He had the goofiest smile but it quickly tuned into a sad one. That is the sort of effect I had on people. Stop it! Stop thinking negatively!

"Thank you for coming here tonight," he whispered.

"I am so sorry I pushed you. I know... you're probably getting sick of all the apologies and shit but it really is all I can say...and then give you an explanation."

"It's not your fault Martin. Really. I was in a bad headspace and yes, you pushing didn't help at all, but I should have handled my emotions better." I told him.

He couldn't pin all the blame on himself, that wouldn't have been fair. I hadn't been good that day I was annoyed, a memory triggered me. Now I am ready to talk.

"Do you think...maybe-"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes. I'll give you another chance, a proper one." I added on.

I had to stop worrying, if he was still trying at this point, which he is, he deserves another chance. I need to give him that proper chance.

He gave me a hug and I hugged him back.

"I have a good feeling about this," he looked down on me and I just nodded.

"Promise you'll try to open up though..."

"I promise. Things are getting better. Dean is pretty awesome for a sort of step brother," I laughed.

"Yeah, he is pretty cool," Martin admitted.

"Are you eating?" He asked.

This is probably one of my least favourite questions to get asked. I shook my head slowly. I hadn't eaten in who knows how long, maybe I might eat a tiny crumb of something but I am not really going well in that department. I really don't want to though, I mean I'm not hungry and it's not like I'm all that skinny, I could lose a few.

"Does Ezra know, Dean even!?"

"There is nothing they need to know. They don't need to know about my eating habits. I mean Ezra seems concerned and shit but yeah..."

What I said was nothing but the truth, they don't need to be focused on me and my eating because me and my eating habits are all good. I'm not dead yet so that's something. I haven't needed a pill in forever. Things really, really are looking on the upside.

"I want you to try."

I nodded. Probably wouldn't happen, but for the sake of keeping the peace I'll agree.

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"Why are you picking me up from school?" I asked getting into Dean's car.

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Because I like spending time with you I guess, no homo though!" He said hurriedly.

I laughed.

"It's fine, I have a boyfriend and you have a girlfriend dude...so..."

"Yeah, fair point. I guess I just want a close relationship with my sort of step-brother. All my other step-siblings have been pretty shitty." He says.

"Anyway what should we do?" I asked.

He shrugged again. He was not great with coming up with things to do, usually we end up watching many movies in a row, one time we watched the whole Brooklyn 99 series. That was pretty good. I do love that show.

"I actually do need to pick my girlfriend up... you can meet her if you want?"

I guess I could meet her...

I nod and he makes a weird hum noise and then gets driving.

I had gotten quite close with Dean. He was a very chill guy. I liked him and it wouldn't be awful if he was my step-brother, not awful at all. Quite the opposite actually.

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I had met Astrid and she was really sweet, like I couldn't believe how nice she was right off the bad. I think I am still getting used to the idea of people being nice, I mean. Most people look at me and their first thought is and probably will most of the time be; "They're a nerd" or "Will they do my homework?" Somehow they think that I am easily manipulative. I wouldn't say that I am, but I would say that I am weak. Very, very weak.

"She was really nice, you two are perfect for each other," I complimented Dean once we had gotten out of the car.

He nodded and smiled. He seemed pretty tough but around Astrid he was a complete goofball. So sweet and kind. Boyfriend material. Did I think he was better than my Ezra? Definitely not. Sure he was kind but Ezra was out of this world. Someone out of this world. He was special, kind and he loved me when no one else did. He cared for me when no one else did. He is the reason I am here today. Sure I wasn't going to kill myself but I definitely thought about it, and I certainly didn't want to be alive.

The thought of me leaving Ezra was almost impossible now. Would he even let me leave him? Probably not. I don't know what would have happened if I he had let me leave him and if I had left him. But things would be worse and I am going back on what I said. I most likely might not be here today. If anything I could potentially be in Hunter's basement or something like that.

I shivered at the thought. I could still feel his hands roaming around me, I could also sense someone else's as well. Ty's.

"You are so beautiful babe," he whispered.

His hand caressed my cheek as I looked up at him. We were in the middle of a move when he then thought he should hop on top of me. Don't get me wrong, I loved him to bits but I wanted to watch a movie but he always wanted more.

I pushed at his chest to try and get him to get off but then he pinched my cheek hard making me yelp.

"Do you not love me babe?" He pouted.

I sighed. He always got his way no matter what. I mean I can't say no to him because then he'll think I don't love him, but I do!

"You ok?" Dean asked.

I nodded. I should tell him about my past but I don't want to. I mean Martin has most likely told him a lot about me anyway. About my relationship issues and all my issues in general.

Why do I have to have so many issues?