Never Again // COMPLETED

Chapter 8 - Questions and maybe answers

“Why do you think you have no friends?” This is Logan’s millionth question. He kept asking me about myself and my life.

“Well, my so-called friends betrayed me. And mind you I only have two. So when they’re gone, I have no one. But I guess it was kinda okay to be alone.”

“Why would you think it’s okay to be alone?” “Because you don’t have to deal with people and the shit people say and do. You can be yourself and not be judged by what you do. You don’t have to put up a face so they won’t worry.” “But don’t you miss being with somebody?” “I do miss it of course. Who doesn’t? But the thought of all the problems I’ll be carrying when I’m with someone, it’s not worth it.” “Well have you tried?”

For a second there I thought everything stopped. With Logan’s question and the tears that are about to fall. Yes Logan I tried. I tried to reconnect with another human being aside myself. But he left me hanging. I thought he wanted me, I hoped he wanted me. But he just wanted a good f*ck. He never cared about me or my feelings. I tried to ignore the pain Logan but I can’t. It’s right there in my face screaming how pathetic I was that night. How hopeful I was thinking that maybe he’ll like me back.

“You can answer them sometime.” He moved away from me. I looked at him and I can see a little hint of sadness in those sea blue eyes.

Silence lingered between us. I was hoping that he’ll get tired of me and walk out so I can handle the fact that no one can stand me. How could everyone abandon me? I was a good student. I’m not perfect but I made sure to treat everyone kindly like the way I wanted to be treated. I never went to parties and get wasted. I never disobeyed my parents. And the universe is giving me this shit?

“Wanna go to my place?” the clock stroked six in the afternoon. “And maybe you could cook?” he nodded full of hope. I nodded in response and he guided me through his car.

The drive was long and I may have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew he was stroking my face and calling my name gently.

“Alice? Alice? We’re here.”

****

“And you live alone?” I raised my voice. I scanned around his place and it was enormous. His walls were painted dull brown but the couch is red with white pillows. The lighting was perfect making it feel relaxing and home. Home.

Logan sat beside me despite the largeness of the couch. “I like the feeling having another person beside me.” He smiled. I looked at his hand slowly reaching for mine. He caressed the back of my hand and intertwined with his.

“Is it okay if I do this?” I nodded. Why am I agreeing?

He positioned himself making him face me. He looked at me with those eyes. Those eyes that’s full of longing and mystery. I looked at him and my heart starts to beat fast. My breathing is shorter and my skin is tingling. Why am I like this?

“Alice?” “I know all of this is strange to you. But the day I bumped into you at the coffee shop, it’s like there’s a pull towards you and from that moment I always wanted to see you. It’s creepy right? I don’t understand it too. I don’t know if it’s love, attraction, lust or anything. I just don’t know. But please, can you let me see you so often?”

Surprise is an understatement of what I am feeling right now. I can’t fully comprehend how this is happening. One day I was no one the next day I am someone for Logan. I paused for a while trying to process what he had said. He was still looking at me with those beautiful eyes and melting every doubt I may have had.

I closed my eyes and opened it again just to make sure I am not hallucinating. I leaned forward and kissed Logan’s cheek. He reddened immediately, mirroring the color of his couch. “I hope that answers your question.” I smiled, and this time, I smiled with my heart.