Heroin

~Chapter 9~

Shaylynn's pov:

I sat down at the table. The confusion on my face was probably showing at this point. I interlocked my fingers and waited for her to speak.

"You know I'm sick right?" She said softly, as she continued to plate dinner.

"Yeah mom I know"

She brought two plates over and sat down across from me. She started eating, my stomach was aching from the amount of anxiety I had. Many thoughts raced in and out of my head. What if she snapped and suddenly got mad at me? What if she was dying?

She stopped eating and dropped her fork then she looked up at me.

She started crying softly.

"When your father left it killed me. I fell off the rail and I know I need to be a better mother for you. You are leaving for college soon and I want to spend that remaining time with you. So I'm going away. To a place where I can get help. It will only be for a little bit and when I get back I will be so much better. Your father said you could stay with him if you wanted"

"No! Please no!" My father? Is she joking? He abandoned me. She abandoned me and as soon as she was going to leave she was going to send me away like this isn't my home or something.

"You can't stay here by yourself. You can't take care of yourself"

She was in bed every day all day. I went grocery shopping every week. I had to get up and get myself to school. I had to get a job. I had to make my meals. On top of that, I had to take care of her and make sure the bills were being paid. I am fully capable of taking care of myself.

"Oh please, mother! I have been living on my own for years now. I'm staying and that's final. Leave do whatever you want, I'm staying"

"I didn't mean to make you upset. I thought you would be happy that I'm getting help"

I realized I was crying. I quickly wiped the tears off my face. They weren't sad tears. Most of the tears I shed were not sad tears, they were angry tears.

"I'm glad you're going to get help but please don't ever try sending me away. This is my home. He left me. I can't see him"

"Okay don't go but are you really going to be okay on your own for 3 months?"

"I promise you I will be fine"

I picked up my fork and started to eat. It was so good. Obviously, since it was my favorite, I enjoyed this so much.

"When are you leaving?" I mumbled as the food was still going into my mouth.

"By the time you wake up to go to school, I will be gone"

I started crying again. This time though they were definitely sad tears.  I hated the fact of being physically alone. I have always been mentally alone but the thought of being physically alone scared me more than ever.

"I'm sorry I'm leaving you, I just want to help myself" I would never want her to not go get help just because I'm crying. I'm so proud of her for doing this. It's such a hard thing and I'm so proud of her for doing it.

"No mom it's okay. I want you to get better"

I wiped the tears off my face and smiled at her. I wanted her to know that I was happy for her without having to show her how I really felt.

I got up to start working on the dishes before she quickly got up and rushed over. Her hands were shaking but for some reason, she had the widest smile on her face.

"I got it, honey, you can go"

"Thanks, mama" I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

I walked up the stairs and into my room. I shut my door gently. As soon as the door was shut I slid down to the floor. I put my face in my hands and my knees into my chest and broke down.

I couldn't be alone. I didn't want her to be alone. I didn't want to be alone. I couldn't.

After a few hours of sitting on the floor, I realized it was around 10:00 at night. So I got up and decided I was going to get in the bath. Baths always calmed me down when I was having a hard time. So I was sure a bath would help this time.

I went into my bathroom and started the water. I put some vanilla bubble baths and some rose bath salts. While I waited for the bathtub to fill I got my clothes ready for when I got out.

I got in the tub and let the water wander all over my body. The water was extremely hot. Which stuns my body but in a good way. I let the bath relax me and take my worries go away for the moment. I lay there until the water got cold and then I got out. Taking the drain out of the bathtub and walking out.

I put my clothes on. (A pair of underwear, a bra, and my favorite hoodie) then I walked downstairs to get a glass of water.

As I walked back upstairs my mom's door was open. I walked up to her packing. I didn't want to interrupt her so I turned away and went to my room.

I lay on my bed with my face up at the ceiling. I didn't want to see my mom go. I started to think about the what-if situations.

What if some guy broke into my house and killed me? What if I died in my sleep and no one found me.? What if I drowned in the bathtub and no one found me? The what if's were circling my head. I was scared of being alone no doubt about it but I realized I was overthinking big time and needed to just calm down.

I turned on Netflix and started watching another episode of Pretty little liars. As I sat there watching I tried my best to escape reality and calm myself down because not only was I sad but I was also extremely anxious.

After a few hours, I wandered to sleep. Then around 3 in the morning, I woke to the sound of a car door shutting. I looked out the window to see my mom leaving.

I put my pants on and ran downstairs. I unlocked the door and ran out into the front lawn.

"Mom wait!" I wanted to say goodbye to her but it was too late.

She was already gone. I sat on the lawn for a little. Just thinking. I couldn't tell if I was more upset that she left or more upset that she left without saying goodbye. Maybe it was a good thing I didn't say goodbye. Or maybe it wasn't.

I laid on the lawn before I realized the sun was coming up. I had gotten absolutely no sleep. I slugged my way into my house before any of my neighbors came out of their houses thinking I was crazy and I made my way upstairs and into my mom's bed. I wanted to be in her bed because it smelled like her and for some reason made me feel a lot closer to her than I actually was.

After a few minutes, I dozed off and I didn't think about anything until I woke up from my slumber.

I love my mom's room but it is so dirty. I need to clean it. So I got up and went downstairs. I grabbed a trash bag and some Lysol wipes so I could get to work.

I started by picking up all the trash and making everything look neat again. I changed the sheets on her bed and made them look all nice. Then I cleaned up her closet, getting all the dirty clothes out and hanging all her clothes up. I started a load of laundry so that when she got home all her clothes were clean. Then I started wiping everything down with a wipe.

Once I was down I tied a not in the trash bag and took it outside to the yeah bin. It took me roughly an hour to get all the cleaning done. I looked over at the time and realized I was definitely not making it to school today. I went to my room and grabbed a fresh pair of pj's. I changed and went back to my mom's room.

I got tucked into her new sheets and plugged in my headphones. I went to my "Current favs" playlist and shuffled. The first song that came on was "Hold back the river" by James Bay. My favorite comfort song. So I fell asleep listening to my favorite song in the whole world.

🎵" Hold back the river, let me look into your eyes. Hold back the river so I can stop a minute and see where you hide. Hold back the river. Hold back." 🎵

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UGH IN MY OPINION THIS CHAPTER IS SO GOOD! IF YOU HAVE LISTENED TO HOLD BACK THE RIVER BY JAMES BAY. YOU NEED TO NOW!! IT'S SO GOOD.

ON A POSITIVE NOTE THANKS FOR READING. LOVE YOU ALL!

STAY SAFE!

*Edited*          Word count: 1587