Chess Pieces Aftermath: Gray Sanford

Chapter 43

Nakatingin lang ako kay Gray. Hindi agad rumehistro sa akin kung anong sinabi n'ya. I was too slow, too slow to process everything. Nainis pa ako sa sarili ko nang parang naestatwa pa ako at napatitig na lang sa kanya.

But it made the situation even worse for me as I stared at Gray. Kitang-kita ko kasi ang lahat ng mga emosyon sa mukha n'ya. He was being transparent about his emotions right now. I was not sure if he was aware of it or he wanted me to see it. But if he was trying to hide it, then he was not doing a good job.

Halo-halong mga emosyon ang nakikita ko sa kanya. Sa dami ay hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa bang pangalanan ang lahat ng iyon.

Pero sa lahat ng iyon, isang emosyon ang nangingibabaw sa kanya.

He was scared.

He looked really scared as he stared at me and was trying hard not to cry. His shoulders squared as if he was feeling a lot of tension while waiting for my reaction. His gray eyes were just fixated on me. Natatakot s'ya sa kung anumang ang magiging reaksyon ko.

Pero hindi ko naman makitaan ng pagsisisi ang mukha n'ya. He didn't regret telling me the truth. He looked even determined to tell me this. To tell me that he has DID.

It was so sudden. Kahit matagal ko nang gustong marinig ang lahat mula sa kanya, hindi ko pa rin naiwasan ang mabigla. For a second, I didn't know what to do. So I just keep on staring at him until I noticed na sa bawat segundong hindi ako nagsasalita, mas dumodoble lang takot na nakikita ko sa kanya.

Kaya naman humakbang ako palapit sa kanya. I wanted to assure him. Gusto kong ipaalam na nabigla lang ako. Gusto kong malaman n'ya na wala s'yang dapat na ipag-alala dahil ayos lang sa akin ang lahat. Dahil tanggap ko s'ya kahit ano pang kondisyon ang meron s'ya.

Pero nakakaisang hakbang pa lang ako nang pigilan ako ni Gray. He held out his hand, showing his palm, to stop me from taking any more step toward him. It hurt me that he seemed like he didn't want me near him pero ginawa ko ang gusto n'ya. Hindi na ako lumapit pa at tumigil na sa paghakbang.

Gray looked like he was holding himself back again. Natakot akong bumalik s'ya sa dati, iyong nagtatago. Kaya bago pa muling magsara ang pintong unti-unti n'yang binubuksan para sa akin, tumigil na ako sa paglapit sa kanya. I stopped and just stared at him.

I'll let him tell me everything the way how he wanted them to tell me. Kahit na ang gustong-gusto kong gawin ngayon ay ang yakapin s'ya. To comfort him. To let him know that I'm here. Pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko at hinayaan lang s'ya.

If this is how he wanted to open himself up to me, then I will let him.

"Rey..." I could even hear fear in his voice. "Just... stay there... please."

His voice was pleading. Narinig ko pa ang kaunting panginginig doon, tanda ng pagkatakot n'ya. Kinailangan ko pang huminga nang malalim para mapigilan ang sakit na unti-unti kong nararamdaman sa dibdib ko.

I nodded at him, assuring him that I wouldn't take any step from where I was standing.

"Okay... Dito lang ako," sabi ko pa. "I won't take any step closer, Gray... I promise."

He relaxed a bit with that. Pero hindi man lang nabawasan ang takot sa mukha n'ya. He raked a hand on his hair. Ilang sandaling nanatili ang kamay sa buhok n'ya. Ang mga hibla ng buhok ay nasa pagitan ng bawat daliri n'ya bago tuluyang sinuklay iyon gamit ang kamay n'ya.

He looked at me. I could see the tension growing in his eyes.

"You know about it, right?" he asked. Wala man s'yang binanggit kung ano iyon pero alam ko na agad kung anong tinutukoy n'ya.