Chess Pieces Aftermath: Gray Sanford

Chapter 45

Noong bata ako, hindi ko pinaniniwalaan ang kondisyon sa pag-iisip ng isang tao kung saan magkakaroon sila nang iba't-ibang katauhan. Para kasi isa lang iyong kwento mula sa libro o hindi kaya ay isa sa mga  fantasy serye na pinapanood ko mula pa sa bintana ng kapitbahay namin dahil wala kaming TV noon.

Pero kahit noong bata pa ako, naisip ko na rin ang posibilidad na... paano nga kaya kung totoo ang ganoong kondisyon? And it just added to my curiosity about how human minds work.

Sa pagtungtong ko sa high school, kaunting mental health disorders pa lang ang alam ko. Pero tungkol sa  kondisyon ni Mama, halos inalam ko na ang lahat. It was only until I took up psychology as my major in college that I became aware of all the mental health conditions.

Nang pag-aralan namin ang tungkol sa Dissociative Identity Disorder, parang doon na lang din ako tuluyang naniwala na mayroon nga talagang ganoong kondisyon. Lalo na nang mag-internship ako sa isang mental health institution at narinig ko mismo mula sa trainer ko ang kwento tungkol sa isang pasyente na mayroong DID.

It is real. A lot of people aren't aware of this condition but... DID is real.

And now... it's happening in front of me... with the man I love the most.

Hindi ko alam kung anong iisipin ko. Gray already confirmed to me that he has DID. Ilang beses ko na ring nakasalamuha ang isang alter n'ya at alam kong hindi si Gray iyon. Pero wala naman akong naging problema sa pakikitungo sa kanya.

But this was so different. Back then, it was only my hunch, my observation. I juct acted like there was still a slight possibility that I was wrong kaya rin siguro medyo naging normal ang kilos ko noon.

Pero ngayon, pakiramdam ko ay hindi na gumagana ang utak ko. Hindi ko alam kung anong iisipin at gagawin ko.

I was looking at Gray. It was his face and his body. His hair wasn't brushed upwards, nakababa at ang mga hibla ay nasa noo at ang iba pa ay tumatama na sa pisngi n'ya. It was Gray's usual hairstyle.

But his eyes, the smile on his lips, the way he talks, the way he acts, and his aura were so different from Gray.

This was not Gray... This was...

Kahit nabigla at halos hindi ko malaman ang gagawin ko ay unti-unti kong inangat ang kanang kamay ko para tanggapin ang pakikipagkamay n'ya. I was expecting that I would still feel that familiar warmth I always feel with Gray as it was still his hand, but I felt nothing.

It was so different... It felt like I was shaking hands with a stranger.

Nang bitiwan ni Gadriel ang kamay ko ay napatitig pa muna ako sa palad ko ng ilang sandali bago tuluyang tumingin sa kanya. He looked like he was just waiting for me to assess everything. I cleared my throat and tried to compose myself.

"Pasensya na. Masyado lang... I mean, this is all just—" I struggled to find the right words to say. Nabigla talaga ako na ganito pala ang bubungad sa akin ngayong umaga.

But Gadriel smiled at me with so much understanding. As if he was assuring me that he understands why I was acting this way.

"It's alright... Maybe it's better if we'll take a seat first," he suggested.

Tumango ako dahil wala akong tiwala sa sariling mga tuhod ko. Ngayon pa na halos hindi ko mapaniwalaan ang nangyayari.

"Mabuti pa nga."

We both took a seat. Magkaharap kami sa hapag kaya hindi ko magawang iangat ang paningin ko. I looked at the food on the table instead. Masyadong marami ang inihanda n'ya para sa dalawang taong magbe-breakfast lang.