Umbutho

Seven

"UBaba ungizwisa kabuhlungu (My father is hurting me)"

The deadly look that I am receiving from both these men is freaking me out. My father's eyes are dead sent towards mine and I must say I have seen a lot of facial expressions on his face but this one, i don't know whether he's angry, disappointed or just pissed. "Was that Philasande Mabaso?" My brother asks with a tone filled with irritation and disgust? Why would he be disgusted? "Yes" my father says and the lace of pain in his voice just shocks me to the core and also sends me into a Minnie panic attack.

"Ujola na lomfana wena manje?(Are you dating this boy?) Weren't you just dating a boy not so long ago and already you're moving to another one?" My father asks. My neck suddenly feels weak like it can't keep up the charade of holding my head in place. "I'm not dating uPhila Baba. We're just friends." I reply truthfully. "You can choose to be friends with anyone else but you chose him, a Mabaso Hle?" Kanti what is wrong with uPhila ka ngaka that I am not even suppose to thandana with him?

My brother asked that question still laced with disgust. Haiibo if the boy is a beautiful specimen, what am I to do? "Stop whatever is going on with you and Philasande Mabaso Buhlebethongo before I do something you'll regret." My father says standing up and walking away. Something I'll regret? What does that even mean? I look at my brother with questioning eyes before he shakes his head and says "If you don't  want to lose your family then stay the hell away from a Mabaso Buhle. Please baby sis" he says before kissing my forehead and walking in the same direction that my father went to.

The next morning I woke up to a very silent house. I am used to this from my father especially if we had a misunderstanding but not from my brother. I get up, make my bed then proceed to the kitchen after getting ready for the day. I find my father on the table as usual reading from the paper. "S-Sawubona Baba" I said hoping that what ever it was that happened yesterday stays there but nothing, literally no response. This man just blueticked me.

Sigh. This is going to be a long day. I prepare some breakfast then hand him a plate before walking to my room and collecting what I would need for school. As soon as i approach the door he speaks "uyaphi?" He asks with a voice laced in commandment, oh now you want to talk huh? "Eskolweni Baba" I reply standing mere inches from the door. "You're not going" he says right after. Wait what? What does he mean? "Baba I have classes to attend today, i have to go to school" I say feeling like he's acting like a teenager when  in actual fact I want to punch him on the face. I made sure my tone was more respectful than I would've liked it to be.

"And like I said Buhlebethongo, you're not going." He says then walks towards the bedrooms. "Baba I'm not dating uPhila I swear please don't punish me like this" I said behind him only to have him walk inside his bedroom then close the door behind himself. Why am i related to such a stubborn man? I walk to the kitchen and huff before sitting on the chair. This is his crazy way to punish me it always has been. I guess he's trying to protect me but from what? What is it that my father knows about Phila that they are not telling me about?

The rest of the day was just that... I hate fighting with my father but if it's a fight he wants, it's a fight he's going to get. When my brother and little Nkanyiso came back the whole house was just quiet no sound whatsoever. "Err... what's going on ain't you suppose to still be at school wena?" My brother asks while Nkanyiso climbs on my lap and lays his heavy head on my chest before yawning. "Your father denied me to go to school, because of a boy" I say nonchalantly. "A boy you should've stayed away from" my father said standing right in front of me.

I don't know why I have this throbbing feeling in my heart but I am and if he continues speaking I am going to be deemed disrespectful. "Well maybe I wouldn't have been his friend if i was told why I am not suppose to even stand an inch from him" I say standing up with Nkanyiso in my arms before walking my bedroom's  direction. "Buhle woza lana wena" I am in deep shit when he starts saying 'wena'. I sigh then turn around and walk back. "I want to put Nkanyiso to bed Baba" I say lowly.

" look at me, if you even think about going or meeting that thing yakwa Mabaso I will forget that you're my daughter and do something that I never thought I'd ever do to you. Ufuna ukfana no nyoko (Do you want to be like your mother) fine go ahead I'll give you her adress" I feel tears swell up my face as he mentions my prodigal mother. He knows how much that hurts but I guess today he really prepared himself for a fight. "I will not have a daughter fight with me for a boy mina ungazongi jwayela mina Buhle don't you dare" he walks away after taking his car keys before banging the door shut.

When my father wants to break you down, trust that he'll use his words to stab your heart first before anything. When the one man you love and trust more than anyone in the world hurts you who do you run too? I feel like he took my heart and ran over it using his car. It's not what he said persay that hurts but it's how he said it. He said it like he didn't care, he said it like I was an immovable object, he said it without a care in the world and it hurts to know that he feels that way about the situation with my mother. Does he hate her that much that I get punished for It? I wonder if she thinks about me where ever she is...