Umbutho

Twelve

Twelve

Daniel 9 Verse 9: To the Lord our God belong mercy and forgiveness, though we have rebelled against Him.

Yes I do know the bible what do y'all take me for?

I lay awake in a hospital bed just staring at the bland walls. Everything here is just white and depressing. I heave a sigh waiting for the upcoming lecture, I hope it's not that bad. I feel like he was getting used to Phila being in my life but now, I don't think that's ever going to happen. I wonder how he is, Phila that is, is he ok? Does he know that I'm in here? Does he know that I'm made to lay in this bed doing absolutely nothing while my peers get on with school? Worst thing is, I don't even have a friend that could help me with taking notes for me so I'm definitely going to miss out on a lot.

The door flies open and I immediately close my eyes hoping whoever it is thinks I am fast asleep drugged by these flippen medicine. The person moves around the room for a while then ends up on the bed as he kisses my hand. By the scent, I can tell that this is Phila. "Standwa sam, I'm so sorry. I don't even have an excuse for what I did. I don't know what.... ngiyaxolisa. (I'm sorry) I... fuck... please wake up. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry MaKhumalo." Is he crying? Why is he crying? I mean, i know why he's crying but...

I open my eyes and the sight that befalls me is not a good one at all. He has a busted lip and his left eye is as big as a tennis ball. "What happened to your face?" He chuckles. Did I say something funny maybe? I mean maybe I  look funny or something. "This is nothing compared to what I did to you standwasami." He chuckles a little. "Yes but what happened though?" Why did I just agree? Is what he did to me worse than his face? "Your father happened but it's good. He said I should take care of you."

"What?" My father is many things but he's not violent. I mean he's the only person I know that can control his anger regardless of anything that may happen, he'll always remain calm. "Yeah after your brother got you here angithi wena uyagquleka nje estubeni (You go around fainting like it's normal), uBaba wakho came to our house and beat me up. He knew it was me and I didn't even deny it." I giggled at the gquleka (fainting) part. I guess this was a tiny bit way more serious than I thought it was. "Well you did hurt me so..." his eyes glisten. I don't like it when he's sad.

"I'm kidding I..." playing with my fingers seem like the only thing that makes sense right now. "No I deserve that. I honestly don't know what happened standwasami all I kept thinking about is somebody possibly  hurting you and I just lost it. I'm sorry." I tighten my hold on his hand looking at his beautiful eyes. "Its ok, just promise it won't happen again ok?." My subconscious is screaming at me, reeling about how stupid I am right now. I know  I just love him and I guess I want to be with him.

The rest of the day goes on in a blur with him trying to feed me this nasty hospital food. Kanti what type of people are hired at the hospital? No because they cook tasteless food. It's a new day that has got me bored. I've not even seen nor have i spoken to my father or brother, Phila told me that he won't be coming today because he has work so I guess I'll be bored the whole day. Just as my mind starts wondering off my father walks in with Nkanyiso in his arms. My little cute nephew.

"Ubukhepi bengiku khumbula? (Where have you been? I missed you.)" Nkanyiso is very straightforward I wonder where he gets that from. His big eyes stare into mine already intimidating me. I know where he gets that from, it's from the big oger that's making it hard for me to breathe. "Hawu Nkanyi I just saw you yesterday." He frowns in return. I thought it was easy to tell kids lies kodwa ke here he is looking at me like I've just been caught trying to escape Sun City prison with a gun on a wardens head. "No you didn't. I last saw you three days ago." That's not that bad. I've been dealing with stuff kid ok? I force a small smile on my face before attacking him with a ton of kisses.

I feel like Nkanyiso is growing up too fast. It's like one minute he was that small little shy guy to suddenly being this straightforward intimidating little man with big eyes probably from his ugly mother. I've seen a picture or two and trust me the girl is ugly no I'm not even say it right. She is hideous. Thank God Nkayiso only took her eyes and nothing more. "Nyiso, thata la udlale ama game wakho.(Here go and play your games)" My father decides to say. I am not going to like this upcoming conversation am I? Nkanyiso does as he is told and quietly sits in the corner with a huge tablet in his hands fixing his glasses here and there. Who even travels with a tablet at that age?

"Buhle" his voice holds not emotion. No warmth just emptiness. "Baba" it's better to give him what he gives me even though I am incapable of sounding as cold as he does but I think I sort of nailed it. "Uk'shayeleni lamfana? (Why did that boy hit you?)" At least he stopped calling him a goat. Didn't they already solve this between the two of them? "Akangi shayanga uPhila Baba. (He didn't hit me)" His eyebrows cease as he looks at me dead in the eyes. I mean I'm not lying though he really didn't hit me he just... squeezed me. "Manje sifunani la? (Then what are we doing here?)" Now his voice is filled with venomous anger and I know that this is never good. I prefer the cold, unemotive him instead.

"He just..." I don't want to lie to him but I also don't want to tell him the truth I mean how is he ever going to look at me then? "He just squeezed too hard" have i suddenly turned into a tube? Really Buhle 'squeezed too hard'? "This thing of yours and covering up for him is still going to go on and on until he breaks you. I'm not going to lie to you Buhle I don't like this relationship and I know I'm going to  lose you because of it. I'm just hoping when he finally kills you, they bring me your body to lay to rest." His words bring me fear. Why would he say something like that? It was just an accidental squeeze. I'm not a victim of abuse.

When he leaves all that rings inside my head are his words to me. I know my relationship with Phila is not really the best  but that doesn't mean I'll leave in a body bag. What my father said really disturbs me and leaves me traumatised almost. It sounded more of a promise than a warning to me.

'Until he breaks you' why would Phila break me? How would he break me?