Umbutho

Twenty-nine

Twenty-nine

Isikhathi yisona engilwa naso manje. (Time is the only thing I keep fighting with right now.)

*****UNEDITED*****

Time seems to move at it's slowest as I stare out the window waiting for something, anything to pass by. I feel sick, nauseous and just wishing all of this was nothing but a nightmare I could wake up from. A nightmare that would further keep me up for days on end after it struck it's way in. I miss my family, my nephew who all of a sudden I think I won't ever see again. My mother who I have only known for such a short period of time. My brother who I will never get to see how he would look when in love and my father oh how I would love to be in my father's embrace right now.

The man that has locked me in here has not been back for three days now. I am hungry, I have been surviving on water as I discovered the tap in the small toilet. I am tired because I refuse myself any sleep thinking of all the things he could do to me while I sleep. I force my tired body to sit on the chair and start rocking myself back and forth singing a hymn that my mother would sing to Nkanyiso soothing him and moreover me. She'd catch me staring at the bathroom door just smiling as I wish it had been me in the tub.

Tears start showing themselves as my throat tightens and a sob gets stuck in it. I wouldn't know why I am crying even if I was asked. I just feel so tired it hurts. I hate that I depend on water to survive and the man that brought me here. I hate that I didn't fight hard enough to stay away from him. I hate that I didn't punch him hard enough to run away when I saw that we were driving into an unfamiliar place. All the things I hate are nothing compared to the hate that bubbles whenever I think of the man who is currently managing to destroy my life and everyone around it.

The lock turns way before he walks in like he owns the world. I don't even bother opening my eyes even when the smell from whatever he brought with him is rather welcoming to me. "Hey sweetheart." He says before sitting on the even worse looking couch in front of me which looks like a home for all the insects in the world. "This is where I grew up. Away from all the world's distractions." Him opening up about his life shocks me as I mange to open my eyes and force my self to stop rocking. "Thatha la ukudla kwakho. (Here is your food. Take it.)"

He hands me the brown and yellow paper bag that has an M in front of it. I look at it contemplating on whether to take it or not. I don't want to die due to poison but also it would be a more painless death compared to being shot or stabbed to death and the safety of my baby means more to me than the situation I am in right now. I hesitantly take the bag with shaking hands looking at him one moment too long as I open it up and eat the contents of it. "See I'm not that bad of a host. Anyway what I really came here for. You need to tell me something." I look at him fearful but also quitecurious as to what he has to say.

"It has come to my attention that you might know where your boyfriend is so I need you to lure him out." What? Why would I know where he is when I have not heard from him since that day. I stare at him confused. "You are what he thinks about most so we are going to use my magic pot to try and find him." I don't want to be involved in any of this. I don't want him to find Phila either nor do I want to help him in any way. So the look that I direct towards him make him chuckle a little before holding out a knife onto my stomach that has grown slightly over the days causing fresh tears to make themselves known.

"I will take this thing out of you with no hesitation as I watch you bleed to death but trust me you will know what real pain feels like as you look at the ugly thing while blood runs all over you. If you think for a second that my infatuation for you will stop me from obeying what I was called for then you have another thing coming do you understand me?" I nod as more tears make themselves known before he pulls me up by my arm and drags me to the bedroom throwing me on the floor then pulling the pot out and putting it infront of me.

It's weird considering I don't see any beads on his arms that might indicate that he is a sangoma. He however has the power to summon whatever it is that he summons to show us Phila's face as he stares at the ceiling while his brother tells him of my disappearance. "Kubi bafo (It's bad) we don't know where she is and everyone else seems to think that she's with you." Phila stares at his brother as his eyebrows meet causing his face to frown at the knowledge.

"Kanjani ngoba uyabona nawe ukhuthi ngilana nawe. (I am right here with you so how could I possibly have taken her?)" Phila asks with much disgruntlement at the news. "Ngiyakwazi lokho bafo kodwa nawe uyazi (I am aware of that but you know), you haven't been yourself for sometime and maybe nje  just maybe you took her and don't..." before he finishes he is met with a deadly stare daring him to finish his sentence. "Angsona islwane. (I am not an animal.)" The man in front of me chuckles before he says: "If only you knew."

"Why would I take her after everything I have done to her already. Ngizothi ngikwenzelani lokho? (Why would I do that?)" He shakes his head frustrated before he says more. Mangaliso or whatever his name is starts telling me what to do. "Phila." I whisper as he threatens me with the knife. "Phila it's me uBuhle." I whisper yet again with tears in my eyes as he shuts his eyes frustrated and in pain. "Get out of my head." He mutters not loud enough to catch  the ears of his brother but loud enough to make it resonate in my mind. I pray to God that he doesn't give in and tell me where he is.

"Phila please it's me Buhle. Please tell me where you are." He starts muttering the word 'no' over and over again softly before he crashes everything in sight. I am gripled by fear as he starts banging his head on the wall in tears telling me to get out of his head. What did he do to him? Before I know it an older man gets into view before widening his eyes at our direction like he can see us then starts chanting things only he understands making the pot fill with nothingness as they disappear from our view.

The man I am yet to know the name off stands up in rage and throws the pot aside making it fall into tiny little pieces before forcing his eyes onto me. I stare at him in fear before he stomps over to me and picks me up using my clothes then throws me on the wall. The impact leaves me crying in pain praying that my baby is ok. I lean against the wall hoping it saves me from the rage filled man standing in front of me ready to leave my body with bruises. "Useless, you had one job. One fucken job and you still failed to do that." I cry more than I have ever done in my life closing my eyes awaiting the impact that would come from his hands contacting my face.

"Fuck!!" He screams while throwing everything in sight toward me which I am greatful for rather than the impact of his hands. "Be greatful for that meal because it will be the last one you get from me you fucken bitch." He kicks the side of my stomach causing me to scream and not because I am in pain but because of my baby. He walks out leaving me in the eerie room as I hear the door shut before the click of the lock resonates yet again leaving me crying, sobbing while my hands wrap around my bump praying that my baby is ok.

"God please protect my child please..." I keep saying over and over again. For me there is no one as important to me right now as my baby. I can't think of the possibility of losing my baby furthermore never leaving this place. I cry out as I feel pain on my lower abdomen praying even more than I am right now for the safety of my child. "I can't lose my child God please ngiyacela Baba (I'm begging you dear Father) not my child please." I find myself uttering Phila's name as I shut my eyes while the pain becomes unbearable for me. "My baby." I say before dark spots come to view causing me to pass out.

Please God not for me but for him.