Umbutho

Twenty six

Twenty-six

***NOT EDITED***

Abaziyo bayazi thina abanye ke soze sibone. (The ones that know, know while some will just have to find out.)

If I could forget everything that has happened in the last few months of my life I would. But forgetting it all would mean erasing the relationship I have built with my mother. Erasing it all would mean never meeting Nkanyiso as well as my brother. Erasing it would mean  I wouldn't be standing here today staring at my tummy wondering how this baby is going to look like. I'd be lonely and angry more to myself than anyone else. At the moment I'm just weighing my options in life right now. Trying to understand whether I'm going forward or backward.

In other news my father and I are not in speaking terms due to him commanding me to abort the baby because of the father's deeds and I not wanting anything to do with it. I know I wouldn't live with myself knowing that I could give him or her a life that I denied them. I didn't choose to be pregnant but I am and in order for me to be ok with that completely, I have to understand that none of it was my fault. Well I might just have to repeat this school year because I'm pretty sure I failed. I've been cutting school for days now, I missed my exams that's for sure and I had an encounter with the Dean so yes I failed this semester.

Also trying  to forget about Phila has been one of my many endeavours mainly because my mind and heart are at war with each other with regards to him. I keep telling myself that he made a mistake then reprimand myself for thinking like that. Unfortunately it's the thoughts that keep me awake at night wondering if he'll ever show up. I don't understand why I keep defending him and thinking that Phila is innocent when the thought of that day just sends me into panic. How do I defend a person that broke every piece of trust I had in me for him and anyone else?

"Buhle" my mother calls out breaking this spell of overthinking things that ain't even important right now. I look to her as she motions for me to follow her. I am guessing we are about to have yet another talk where she will be analysing whether or not I'm spiralling into deppresion. I am left confused as we head into the living room where I see my father with a man sitted next to him dressed in a black suit. I don't understand this because my father has made it very clear to me that he hates that I am pregnant so him and I being in the same room confuses me a lot.

"Sanibonani" I do what is considered polite as I greet them waiting for whatever comes to make it's entrance. I pry my eyes away from the man that's sitted next to my father as his eyes travelling all over me brings me to utter discomfort and disgust. I don't know this man but I am pretty sure that I don't ever want to be anywhere close to him nevertheless alone with him. What my father says next takes my breath away and not in a good way. "Buhle this is Mangaliso your body guard." I am left utterly shocked."Why do I need a body guard?"

"He is here to protect you from Philasande Mabaso and his family." But I don't need protecting from them why would I even need any protecting  when they are aware of my current situation? "I don't need protecting Baba... I'm fine." He shakes his head getting frustrated. "You do and my word is final." I feel my chest vibrate with anger at the sudden command. I would never need any protection from anyone because I am pretty sure the whole of Kwazulu natal knows who my father is and even if they don't why would you see me as an enemy? "A bodyguard is a tad too much don't you think? Ma please..." I realize that having to walk around with a bodyguard all over would have me look like one of those girls that I hate.

I don't want to look like some spoilt brat that can get everything she wants just by a click of her finger. I am not a spoilt brat I have worked for most of the things in my life. I don't have any ulterior privileges that make me better than everyone else, so yes this is too much. "Baby just listen to your father ok. I want to be relieved of having to worry about you when I am not here with you. I want to know that you are always safe please nana." They don't understand do they? As much as I don't understand what this sudden fear of the Mabaso's is all about, I  am carrying their grandchild for heaven sake what would they do to harm me?

I look towards this Mangaliso man and I find him staring at me and it's not the normal kind of stare but one that makes you feel a type of way. As soon as I lay my eyes on him I look away. I don't trust this man so why would they think I would want to put my life in his hands? "May I at least look for someone else to be my bodyguard?" My father immediately shakes his head no. "Cha we have found you a bodyguard and that's final. Usayi ngane lana Buhlebethongo kukwami lana (You're still a child and this is my house) and if you want to continue living here than you will have to follow my instructions. uMangaliso is your bodyguard and that's final." He stands up soon after then walks away while my mother looks at me with pleading eyes.

The rest of the day just goes in a blur as I lock myself in my room thankful that I don't have any classes because of the our semester break. This bodyguard of theirs is standing right outside my door as if that is normal. I cannot possibly be expected to be ok with this can I? I sigh as I note down all my doctor's appointments trying to figure out a way of escaping this whole bodyguard issue without them knowing. My mind is spiriling as I hear my brother's  laughter followed by Nkanyiso's making a smile appear on my face. I attempt to walk out but get blocked by this wall of a man that absolutely makes me super angry.

"Haiibo is she not allowed out?" My brother asks with just as much annoyance and anger laced in his tone. The man lays his arm around my waist looking at me dead in the eyes then apologies like him holding me is perfectly normal. I move away from him as though he has succeeded in electrocuting me in his embrace and look away as if none of it ever happened. "Bhuti" I say with the biggest smile I've managed to let out as I wrap my arms around his waist waiting for him to pick me up. His arms wrap around me feeling a lot warmer and familiar than those of that man.

"Sawubona nawe nana ka Ma." I giggle as he says this knowing that my mother is the only one who calls me nana. Nkanyiso runs towards us then sort of joins in the hug making me fill with giggles. I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard as I have today. I honestly can say I am at my happiest today then I have ever been.

My brother and I are left with the chore of packing away the little scoundrels toys after he just dozed off to sleep. "Are you also in this whole 'get Buhle a bodyguard' thing?" I ask my brother. "Yes I am. There is no bigger pain than knowing that you failed to protect your only sister from... that." He swallows up his words as he let's out a big sigh. "I understand that this is hard for all of you but I'm ok, honestly I am. And Bhuti forcing a bodyguard down my throat is not going to make me feel any better worse of it all when he's a man that keep looking at me like I'm his next meal." He frowns looking at me.

"So you want a woman as a bodyguard?" I sigh maybe just maybe this will put them all at ease with this insane idea. "It would make me feel more comfortable knowing that it is a woman and that she won't... you know." He nods then walks towards me and wraps his arms around me tight enough to let me know of his love for me but also allowing me to breath. "I love you and I will always love you. I will try to talk to Baba about replacing him with a woman but for now please just tolerate him for me please..." I nod just wanting to make him happy. He kisses my forehead goodnight and watches as I heard back to my room.

I shut my door making sure to lock it. Just as I heard over to take a bath before bed, the tall idiot bursts his way in almost catching me naked. "What the hell is your problem?" I have never had anyone make me this angry in my life but this man fills my entire soul with nothing but anger. "You're not suppose to have your door locked in case something bad happens to you." What the hell? Is he even listening to himself?

"Something bad? What could possibly happen to me with my door locked?" He shakes his head saying no one knows. I honestly want to shove a razor blade in his eye sockets that's how much he angers me. "I'm just doing my job Mam." I swear I am going to kill this man. "Get out of my room." I say as calm as I possibly can while he just stands there as his eyes bore over my shoulders as he licks his lips. "Get out of my room before I call my brother!" I can not always be as calm and collected as I pan out to me. He turns around and just as I think he is leaving he utters these words.

"Don't forget to wear the white lingerie. It just makes your skin pop." He says this with a smirk, leaving me in utter fear.

What the...

***sorry for the lateness this week has just been hell with regards to the exams. Thank you for the votes guys, they make my days. The next insert will be on Friday midday I hope. For now tell me what you think about this Mangaliso dude in the comments yeah.***