Belong With Me

33: Deep Breaths and Heartache

"Mathew! Get your sorry butt back here this instance!"
He only sends me a wink before leaning forward and speeding off down the hill.

We arrived at the resort yesterday late, so today being Saturday it's insanely crowded. I had tried to stay near Matt the whole time. Not because I'm worried of falling, I'm actually a better skier than him. Heehee. But because I didn't like losing sight of someone I cared about.

This was probably our 8th time going down the intermediate hill and I had smoked him almost every time. So in an attempt to beat me the sorry bugger ran off and left me.

With a sigh and a deep breath I push off with my poles and start speeding down the hill.
When I reach the bottom I put my weight to the left to swerve right onto the hill.
I see Matt already at the bottom smiling and waving frantically. I smile and wave too until halfway down the hill I take a deep breath the pain hits.
It feels like someone stuck one of the ski poles between my ribs and an elephant sat on it.
Gasping I hunch over just barely keeping my skis straight.
The pain intensifies to the point where I need to stop before I wreck, but I don't get the chance as a loud thump sounds behind me before a body slides down the hill and plows into me.
My feet are knocked out from under me and I land on my pole, the disk at the end biting into my back.
But that's not the worst of it, I start rolling across the slope gaining speed but unfortunately for me trees don't move, and one is right in my path.

Closing my eyes I swear my life flashes before my eyes.

God Matt, all you've done for me and I never even told you just how thankful I am.

The regret hits me right before the tree does, and I'm not sure which one hurts worse.

I hit stomach first, the impact sending white hot pain through my ribs and I'm suddenly in a flashback.

"Daddy! you always pick the stupidest songs to memorize."

"Bird is the word is not stupid!"
I only laugh before turning my eyes back to the road.
"Daddy!"
But it's too late, the car slammed into ours sending us flying through the air.
The sound of glass breaking and metal twisting is deafening until we finally grind to a halt. An agonizing pain rips through my side and I steal a glance down to see blood soaking my shirt.
Hot tears stream down my face but I try my hardest not to make a sound.
"Baby?" lifting my head I see my dads crumpled form, his chest barely rising and blood seeping from multiple wounds. But his piercing blue eyes lock onto mine. "It's ok baby girl, I'm always going to be with you. just remember to always be strong."
His eyes flutter closed and my screams only reach dead ears.
The medics arrived minutes later, declared my daddy dead and took me to the hospital all faster than my hazy brain could comprehend.

And now laying in the cold snow, the blue sky clear above me, and the pain freshly pulsing in my rib cage tears stream down my cheeks.
But not because of the pain now but because of the pain I've kept locked inside since that fateful day.
As all the bottled up loneliness, desperation, and emptiness leave me in the form of hot tears as a face appears above mine.
My brain is too lost to understand his words, but a smile reaches my face as Matt's hand comes up to cup my cold face.
I may have lost someone important to me that day, but now I've gained someone who had filled the hole. And even if I don't make it to see us be together any longer I'm going to make sure he knows just how much he means to me.
So with my last breath, pain curling around me tighter as I open my mouth to speak, I tell him.
"I love you.... Mathew....... don't forget...... that"

And even his face filled with panic, fades to black.