Starting Over

Chapter 14

Within an hour the bottle is gone so we head back down. I really didn't like drinking so I stuck to my muffin and apple. We round the corner near the training room and I hear Christina's voice.

"What changed, Four? You were so mean, bitter even. Did you finally get over her?"

"If I did then bringing her up wouldn't help any."

"So you're not."

"No, I've just come to accept it. Over it and accepting it are two different things."

"So you can't have her and yet you still love her?"

"Don't you still love Will?"

By this point I can see them and I see Christina's jaw clench in anger before she slaps Tobias across the face. He deserved it. That was a jerk move. He looks up and sees us as we walk by.

"B! Where are you going?"

I shrug. "I don't really know."

"Good, you need the extra training. You're coming with me." He says as he grabs my arm.

Tamra, Austin, and Risa look at me apologetically while Malachi looks like he might punch Tobias. Grant and Zach laugh.

"I'll see you later," I call behind me as he pulls me into the training room.

"What was that about?" Tobias demands when we're alone in the training room.

"Nothing, we went out on the roof and hung out."

"So there was nothing going on?"

"No, I just ate my muffin and apple and talked."

"Then let's train."

For the next few hours he helps me focus on my hand to hand combat skills. My muscles burn, but it's a good kind of burn. I know I'm not as in shape as I was before I left and I really need to get in better shape. After a while my stomach growls and I realize I never ate lunch.

"Do you ever regret it?" he asks me once after I've collapsed into a sweaty heap on the ground.

"Regret what?" I ask although I know what he's talking about.

"Faking your death, Tris."

"Every day. Some days are better than others, but every day I see something or do something and I can't help but think that things could be different. Telling you helped but sometimes I can't help but wonder how things would have gone if I hadn't left you. I try to tell myself that if I hadn't done it we would all be dead, but I can't help but wonder if we could have found another way."

"Of course we could have," he whispers before he turns his back on me and walks out of the door.

<<<•>>>

That night all I can think about is his question. Even when everyone else is asleep I can hear his voice asking me if I regret it, if I regret faking my death. That's quickly followed by his sad, cold face before he walked away. I can't help but think that we're over, and that's what hurts the most. If he had just told me that he never wanted to see me again after I came to him that night and told him everything, I would have left. That's what I expected him to do, so I hadn't let myself hope yet. But now, after I thought I finally got him back, it might kill me to find out that he doesn't want me, and that's what scares me the most.

<<<•>>>

When I walk in to the training room the next morning Tobias is nowhere to be seen. The board sits in its usual spot, but nobody has anyone assigned to them to fight. Our names are written down the left side in an even row, not paired across from each other like they have been. Under our names is a thick line, and under that is one word: prepare. It's Tobias's handwriting, and if he's warning us to prepare then something must be wrong or bad off. The only question is, what should we prepare for?

I go through some of the same exercises he put me through yesterday. I figure that if he wanted me to work on them then there's a reason. Hours pass, and still Tobias hasn't shown up. Eventually I have to stop because I'm getting tired and I know that being exhausted isn't being prepared.

Tobias finally appears around lunch time, only to tell us to go eat. I eat quickly, wanting time to talk to him, but when I go back to the training room he's gone.

I go through a few more of the drills until everyone else shows up again. Tobias is the last one to enter. He walks to the center of the room, not even glancing at me.

"Today is the final day of the hand to hand combat section of your initiation. Today you will be fighting me," he declares.

Grayson and Weston blanch for a second but regain their composure quickly. Laurel turns a sickly gray-green and looks like she might puke. Thomas looks slightly amused and I have a strong urge to punch the slight smirk off his face.

"Here's your order for today," Tobias says as he walks over to the board and wipes it clean before he writes out our order.

1. Laurel
2. Weston
3. B
4. Grayson
5. Thomas

My face falls when I see my spot in the middle. I'm hoping this isn't a reflection on how we fight because I thought I was better than that. If Tobias really is mad at me he could give me a lower rank in the final standings. I hadn't considered this before, although I think he's more mature than that.

"I take it by some of your faces that you didn't take my warning seriously. There are some new rules for today. If you stay down, unmoving, for more than 3 seconds you're out. If you're pinned for more than 5 seconds you're out. If I deem you unable to continue you're out. Other than this the same rules apply. Laurel, you're up!"

Tobias steps into the ring and waits as Laurel slowly moves toward it. She still looks like she may be sick, and for a second I'm afraid she will be, but she steps in the ring and halfway tries to protect herself. Tobias waits for her to make the first move but she just stands there.

Eventually he makes the first move and she's barely able to dodge the punch. It glances off her raised arm and I see her wince. He doesn't give her time to recover, instead he kicks her in the ribs. She staggers and falls. The kick was hard, but it wasn't hard enough to send a stronger person to the proud. Anyone else in this room wouldn't have fallen. He's not trying to hurt her.

Laurel lays there, holding her side, and doesn't move for the 3 seconds it takes for her to be out. She didn't even last a minute. I'm not sure whether I should be appalled or if I should pity her. The little abnegation girl in me says to pity her and help her, the the dauntless side of me is disgusted. She should be able to last longer than that, even if she is fighting Tobias.

Weston steps in the ring after Laurel pulls herself up and walks away. Weston tries to duck and avoid the punches Tobias keeps throwing at him, but he can't move fast enough. He takes punch after punch before he finally swings at Tobias. Tobias easily avoids it and throws another punch at Weston. It connects with his jaw and he grunts. He tries to punch Tobias again but he only succeeds in getting a kick in the gut. He falls to the ground and Tobias easily pins him. Weston lasted three minutes.

I step toward the ring, telling myself not to be afraid, that I've fought Tobias before. But that time was different, he was under a simulation and I had nothing to loose. Now I have a lot more to loose.

I step in the ring and immediately throw a punch at Tobias' head. He easily moves out of the way. He knew what I was going to do before I even did it. He knows me that well.

He aims a punch at my head but I duck under his arm and come up behind him. He turns to face me and I hit him in the face. My fist connects with his lip and it starts to bruise. He tries to hit me again but this time I'm too slow and it hits me in the jaw. I stumble back, slightly surprised at how much force was behind the punch. I can already feel it bruising. Now I'm mad.

I fake a punch at his left side and kick him in the ribs on his right side when he goes to block my punch. I don't pull my leg back fast enough and he recovers in time to grab my foot. He pulls and I fall on the ground, hitting my head hard. My world spins but I refuse to lay there and loose. I struggle to stand but Tobias is already moving to pin me. I lost.