Starting Over

Chapter 45

The next day I wake up and Tobias isn't next to me. I walk around the apartment looking for him but I don't see him. I check the clock and see that it's about 15 minutes before we normally get up. Where could he have gone? I quickly get dressed (or at least I try to be quick) and go looking for him. Before I leave I write a note incase he comes back and I'm gone.

I'm walking past the training room when I hear some noises coming from inside. I step inside and see Tobias with his shirt off punching a punching bag. I sigh slightly in relief. I know he can take care of himself but I still worry about him. Since he hasn't noticed me yet I decide to sneak up on him. As I'm sneaking up on him I see a girl walking up to him from the other side of the room and I stop walking.

"Hey Four," she says.

"Hello Risa," Tobias replies without taking his eyes off the punching bag.

"How's Tris?"

"She's been better. She sprained her shoulder yesterday. Some jerk in our initiation group this year got the idea that she likes him even though she's repeatedly told him to back off. Yesterday he decided to try to flirt with Tris and while she was fighting him off she sprained her shoulder."

"I wouldn't have sprained it if he would have backed off like I told him," I say. Risa jumps but Tobias just turns and smiles at me.

"How long have you been standing there?" Risa asks.

"About two minutes," Tobias tells her.

"You knew?" I ask.

"Of course I knew."

I shake my head and laugh slightly. Tobias goes back to working out while I catch up with Risa. We talk about work and what happened to my arm for a few minutes before I realize that we're going to be late if we don't go get ready for the fear simulations. Tobias and I go back to our apartment and quickly get ready.

Once we get to the simulation room we quickly set up the equipment and write out the order for the initiates. A few minutes later they start showing up. After they all arrive we start the simulations. Four and a half exhausting hours later they're done and we can go eat lunch.

"Where were you this morning?" Zeke asks Tobias as we sit down.

"I was working out and lost track of time," he answers.

"He didn't even leave me a note so I went looking for him. We were talking to Risa for a little while before we realized that we were running late," I explain.

"Who's Risa?" Marlene asks.

"Malachi's brother," I tell her. She nearly spits out her water.

"And you still talk to her?" she asks.

"She's nice and was one of the only initiates who wasn't angry when she heard that I was pretending to be somebody else the whole time. We don't talk often but we don't avoid each other either," I explain.

We talk for a little while longer and then leave when we're done eating. Zeke and Tobias decide to go hang out while Christina drags me shopping. Alex decides to come with us since she likes to shop but Lynn hates it. I spend a few minutes trying to convince Christina to just go with Alex but she insists that I have to go too. I don't like shopping and really don't need anything but it looks like I have no choice.

Christina insists on dragging me through shop after shop of clothes. She and Alex seem to shop well together since they apparently have similar tastes in fashion. I try to just let Christina and Alex shop but Christina keeps shoving things at me for me to try on. After about three stores and four hours I've tried on about 30 items and only bought three: a nice pair of black jeans, a new faded black V-neck T-shirt, and a plain black jacket.

As we're walking past the tattoo parlor we see a guy about our age walking out. Christina sees him and looks away while blushing furiously. I'm slightly shocked. I haven't seen her even close to this since Will died. I smile at the knowledge that my friend has a crush.

"Christina, I didn't see you there," the man says as he stops walking in front of us.

"Hey, Nick! I didn't see you either! What's up?" Christina replies, looking shocked. Pretty smooth for someone who grew up in Candor.

"I just got a new tattoo. Other than that everything's pretty much the same. What about you?"

"Oh just forcing my friend Tris to go shopping with me and our other friend Alex." Christina jesters to us at the appropriate times so he knows who is who.

"I'm pleased to meet you both. Well, I have to get going. I'm supposed to be at work in ten minutes. I'll see you around, Christina."

"Bye, Nick." Nick walks away in the opposite direction of the store we're headed toward. We walk toward the next store and I wait till I know he can't hear me to start talking about him.

"What was that, Christina? Do you have a crush?" I ask.

"What? No, Nick's just a friend," she replies but she blushes again.

"Oh I'm sure he's you friend but that doesn't mean that you don't have a crush on him."

"Okay, fine Tris, I have a crush on him, are you happy?" she asks. She sounds mad but she's smiling.

"Extremely happy, Christina," I respond with a smile that's almost as big as hers.

"What's so exciting about Christina having a crush?" Alex asks. "I'm sure you could have your choice of guys," she tells her. Christina's smile slides from her face. I know she's thinking about Will. I also know that Will's the reason she hasn't had a crush in three years. "Did I say something wrong?" Alex asks.

"No, you didn't know," Christina tells her. "Back during my initiation I fell in love with a guy named Will. We went out. When Erudite took over he died on the attack on Abnegation. He was the first guy I really loved."

"How did he die? Abnegation doesn't have weapons."

"The simulations Erudite used didn't work on everyone. The Divergent people weren't effected by them," I explain. "Jeanine found that out and was trying to kill me because I'm Divergent. While I was trying to escape, Will, who was under the simulation, was trying to kill me. I didn't want to but I didn't want to die either. I shot Will, and I'll always regret it."

Alex looks at me, dumbfounded. I guess after a story like that there's really nothing to say. After a second of awkward silence Christina suggests that we call it a day. We head to the cafeteria where we find Zeke, Tobias, Uriah, and Lynn eating dinner. We join them and jump into their conversation.

We eat and talk like it's a normal meal but I can't stop thinking about the attack on Abnegation and the war that followed. It's still overwhelming, even three years later. I lost my mom and dad on the same day I killed my best friend's boyfriend. I saw people that I had grown up around slaughtered. Just thinking about that day makes me feel upset. It was the worst day of my life.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when Tobias gently squeezes my thigh right above my knee under the table to get my attention. I realize that I'm not eating or talking anymore. I'd completely zoned out. He silently asks if I'm okay with his eyes. I give him a small smile and nod my head in response before I rejoin the conversation. I talk with our friends until dinner is over but I still can't stop thinking about that day. When dinner is over I tell Tobias I'm going for a walk to clear my head and leave for the pit without waiting for his response.