Starting Over

Chapter 43

The next morning I wake up in Tobias's arms and wish we didn't have to train initiates today. It shouldn't be too bad because we're introducing them to the fear simulations and so we have the majority of the day off. I roll over to see if I really have to get up or if I can sleep longer. Unfortunately it's time for me to get up. I slowly push myself up out of bed and then wake up Tobias before I go take a shower. Once I shower and get dressed Tobias and I go eat breakfast.

After breakfast Tobias and I go to set up the simulations. I'm going through one of mine to show them how everything works. I'm going to try to take longer than normal but I can't really control it. Nobody wants to have to experience one of their fears for longer than necessary. They're just going to see my reactions to my fear since it's too personal to actually show them my fear.

Once everything is set up Uriah and Christina bring the initiates in. I sit down in the simulation chair and Tobias sits in a rolling chair next to me. He explains what the simulations do and how they work before he injects me with the serum and everything slips away. Suddenly I'm in a glass box.

Why did it have to be this one? Why couldn't it have been any other one?

I start to think about when this happened for real. How my mom had to save me. How she died because of me.

Stop it! I tell myself. I press my hands against the sides of the glass box and watch as the water laps up my legs. It's freezing. I start to panic and realize I've been breathing heavily. I try to calm myself down by taking long, deep breaths. It's just a simulation, I tell myself and press my palm firmly against the glass wall in front of me. By this time the water is up to my ribs and rising quickly. I tap my finger against the glass and watch as the wall shatters. All of the water rushes out sweeping me with it. A wave of water sweeps over my head and I start to choke on it. Just then I wake up coughing and sputtering over water that's not even there.

"As you can see what's happening to her in the simulation is reflected in how she's reacting here," Tobias is explaining.

"Was that long enough?" I ask.

"It was only six minutes, Tris."

"Gosh darn it! I tried, I really did! That was a whole minute longer than it was last time!"

"So we're trying to stay in it as long as possible?" Madison asks.

"No, Tris is just fast so she was trying to take longer so you can see what it's actually like. Most people take longer."

"Well how do we get faster?" Rowan asks.

"It's not something you can control," I explain. "It depends on how you react to the serum. Some people are just better with them than others." I don't want to explain the Divergent factor to them because some people still don't like Divergents.

"So how long does it take most people?" Audrey asks.

"Longer than six minutes," Tobias replied. "Tris is more advanced."

"What's your fastest time?" Ty asks me.

"Two minutes," I reply. "Times also change from fear to fear. One fear could take me ten minutes and the next could take me six. Not each fear is as strong as the others."

We finish explaining the simulations to them and dismiss for lunch. At lunch Uriah asks all of us to come to his house to play Candor or Dauntless tonight. Everyone agrees to go even though I really don't want to.

"Lynn, you should bring your girlfriend," Marlene tells her. Lynn almost spits out her drink.

"Why, so you all can give her awful dares and embarrass me?" Lynn asks.