Starting Over

Chapter 49

When Tobias and I walk into the cafeteria all of the initiates are already there. As we walk past them to go talk to Tori I notice Ty staring at me. Tobias must notice also because he frowns and pulls me closer to him.

"You know, I would feel better if you had a weapon on you," he tells me. I laugh slightly because it would not be smart for Ty to start something here.

"Who says I don't have a weapon?" He raises his eyebrows at me. "I have a knife strapped to my hip." I whisper in his ear. He smiles at me and I smile back.

We talk to Tori for a few minutes before we go sit down to eat and hear her announce the final ranks. Christina and Nick walk in together a few minutes before we go to get food from the line. After Candor or Dauntless they got together and are officially a couple. Soon after we get food everyone else shows up and joins our table to eat and talk. While we're finishing up our food Tori gets up on the stage to announce the ranks.

"Excuse me, present and future members of Dauntless. Another year has passed and now we recognize the young initiates that as of tonight are full Dauntless members. That being said, we still have to announce their final rankings to determine which jobs they can pick tomorrow. Without further ado, our newest additions to Dauntless." Tori clicks a button and the ranks show up on a board behind her.

1. Max Feredu
2. Micah Ress
3. Kaden Veers
4. Rowan Tern
5. Ross Tern
6. Audrey Bleak
7. Dimitri Leare
8. Ty Candace
9. Emma Mallis
10. Madison Weavers
11. Serena Gregg
12. Quentin Brettas
13. Eli Johnnes
14. Vince Easton
15. Kali Cooper
16. Heath Adams
17. Samantha Smith
18. Lila Knight

I stand up and cheer with the other Dauntless members. Although I wish Ty was in a lower position I'm glad that he's low enough that he can't pick a leadership job. After the cheering dies down they start serving cake. We all go get pieces after the line has died down. While we eat we talk about our past initiations. It's interesting to hear about Alex and Nick's initiation since none of us went through initiation at the same time as they did. Tobias was an instructor during that time but since they were Dauntless born initiates he didn't work with them except for during the fear simulations.

Eventually the cafeteria is almost empty and we're still talking. Zeke and Shauna decide to go home a little past 12 and not long after they leave Tobias and I leave too. As we're walking through the now empty Pit I see Zeke and Shauna standing near the Chasm. They're laughing about something we can't hear. Zeke's face suddenly turns serious and he puts a hand on her cheek. "I love you," I hear him tell her.

"I love you too, Zeke," she responds with a smile. Zeke slightly smiles in response and slowly sinks onto one knee. He reaches for a small box in his back pocket and pulls it out. Shauna's hands clasp over her mouth. I pull Tobias into a shadow closer to where they are so I can see and hear them better.

"Shauna, I wanted this to be so much more romantic because you deserve so much more, but then I realized that with you everything is romantic. Every day I feel like I'm falling in love with you even more and I don't know how that's even possible at this point. Sometimes I look at you and wonder what I did to deserve you because you are too perfect for me. You asked me where this was going and I think we've both known where it was going for a long time. Today I was finally brave enough to buy the ring. I guess what I'm asking is, Shauna, will you marry me?" Zeke opens the box but from here I can't see the ring. By now Shauna is crying with her hands still over her mouth. She frantically nods her head yes.

"Yes," she whispers. "Yes," she says as her voice gains confidence, "I will marry you Zeke Pedrad." Zeke slowly slides the ring on her finger and stands up. As soon as Zeke stands up Shauna's arms are around his waist and her head is on his chest. Once she calms her breathing enough she stretches up and presses her lips against his.

I can feel myself grinning as I take Tobias's hand and we walk back to our apartment. The constant tapping of my heels on the floor is the only sound as we walk through the halls. It reminds me of how much these shoes hurt my feet. I just want to change clothes and go to sleep. As soon as I enter out apartment I slide out of my heels and walk into the bedroom. I grab a ponytail holder and pull my hair back out of my face because it's driving me insane. I hear Tobias head into the bathroom as I go to change.

"Tobias," I groan when I realize that the zipper on the back of the dress is stuck. "I need help." He leaves the bathroom and helps me unzip the dress. His fingertips gently graze down my spine as he unzips it.

"Better?" he asks sleepily.

"Much," I reply. "Thank you."

Tobias slowly turns me around and stares into my eyes. "That dress looks beautiful on you." I blush but I don't look away. His lips slowly press against mine like he's afraid I'm going to pull away. He should know better. I kiss him back and slowly start to kiss him harder. He matches my force. He picks me up and carries me to the bed and all I can think about is how much I love him. He makes me forget how tired I am. All I can think of is him.

We kiss until my head is spinning and I can't think strait. When we finally break apart I quickly pull on my pajamas and then am wrapped in his arms. I relax knowing that I'm safe as long as I'm with him. I smile, content, as I slowly drift off into sleep.

<<<•>>>

Sweat runs down me as I wake up gasping for breath. "Tris! Tris, what's wrong?" Tobias asks in a panic. I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my face on his chest.

"I had a nightmare," I explain in a muffled voice.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I think for a second. I know that I can trust him but do I really want to talk about it right now? He gently rubs a hand down my hair and holds me closer to him. I nod and decide to tell him.

"I was back in the old apartment I rented after I faked my death. It was a wreck, and by that I mean that it was worse than normal. It was always dirty but it looked like someone had gone around throwing my stuff around. I went to leave and find somewhere safer to call the police but I realized there was someone in the room with me. Before I had a chance to get any of my stuff I was running down the hall, out a window, onto a fire escape, and down to the back parking lot. From there I went into the forest that the parking lot backed up to to get some form of coverage. I knew the forest wasn't that dense and that it backed up to a shopping center.

"I was running through the trees when I heard a gun go off and felt shrapnel from a tree next to me go flying. In a panic I tripped over a root sticking out of the ground. I didn't have time to get up and run; they were right behind me. Instead I hid behind a fallen tree nearby. While I was lying on the ground I heard one of the guys getting closer. I pushed myself closer to the tree and focused on calming my breathing and heart rate, like it was some fear simulation I could force myself out of.

"The footsteps got closer and closer and I knew it was over. Despite my best efforts my breathing got heavier and my heartbeat got faster as adrenaline pumped through my veins. Suddenly the footsteps stopped right by my tree. I looked up to see a man peering down at me with a gun pointed at my head. At that point I knew it was over and that's where I woke up."

Tobias and I lay there in silence as I let it sink in. "Please tell me that never actually happened, Tris."

"No, it was just a dream." He nods and sighs in relief. I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth, but it's not totally a lie. Some parts of it happened, but some parts were made up. I don't want to burden him with that. Besides, if I admit that it happened then I have to deal with it. I'd rather not ever think about it again.

I relax against him again and try to go back to sleep. It's 4:37 and we have to wake up at 7:30 to go see the new members pick their jobs. Tobias falls asleep easily but I barely sleep the rest of the night. Every time I close my eyes I can see that gun pointed at my head again. When the alarm goes off at 7:30 all I want to do is sleep.