Starting Over

Chapter 20

"You ready?" Tobias asks as he gets ready to inject the serum. I nod and tilt my head so he can get a better shot at my neck. Before the serum sweeps me under he leans down and whispers in my ear.

"Remember Tris, it's not real." I see him smile at me and then I'm somewhere else.

In front of me I see people dressed in black. My attention goes to one group in particular- the one with my friends. I go to join them but I run directly into an invisible barrier. I look up and look down. I know this fear, but it's changed some. I'm in a box and I see water start to rush into the bottom.

"Help!" I scream in a panic, but it's like they can't hear me. I calm myself and am about to easily shatter the glass like I've done in the past when I hear someone laughing.

"Look at that!" The girl giggles. "Poor little Tris! Looks like being a traitor won't help her here!"

A traitor? That's what they think I am?

"I'm telling you," I hear someone say, "she's not nearly as strong as they made her out to be. If she's really Divergent shouldn't she be able to get out of there?"

I hear more and more voices adding on to their endless chatter. All of the conversations are about me, about how awful I am. I don't even think about the water until I feel it lapping against my stomach and I realize it's cold. I turn to face Tobias, needing to see a friendly face, but all I see is disgust. I close my eyes and turn away. In that moment I remember it's a simulation and a wave of anger rolls through me. I shove my palm against the glass once and watch as little cracks spread across the surface. All at once the wall collapses and I'm left standing there as all the water rushes out around me. I will all the other walls to break and listen as the three walls around me shatter and little fragments of glass rain down on me from above. Everyone shuts up and turns to stare, but at that moment I wake up.

I gasp as I turn frantically, searching to see if anyone else is in the room with me. Tobias is of course but the others from the simulation are gone.

"What was that?" Tobias demands.

"I've gotten a little better at controlling the simulations."

"A little? Tris, how long do you think you were in there?"

"Ten, eleven minutes?"

"No. Try five."

"Five? Are you sure?"

"I'm positive." We sit there for a second, letting it sink in. Eventually he says something again. "Why did you freak out so much? And why was I there?"

"I freaked out because I'm not used to all the other people being there. I'm used to the fear itself, it just seemed like the simulation was trying to distract me. I don't really know why you were there but it helped me remember that I could get out so easily. The others were just a distraction. Listening to them call me a traitor and all that was highly distracting, so I guess it worked. I'm also scared about what people think about me."

"Tris, that is insane! People don't think about you in a bad way!"

"Really, because everything I hear is bad and we've been trying so hard to keep my identity a secret!"

"Everything bad you hear is because the name Tris Prior scares them. Everybody knows you, and most people look up to you. People around here still talk about how amazing you are, and they only knew you for a few months. Keeping your identity a secret is up to you, but I think it's a smart move for initiation. If they knew they were competing with Tris Prior they would either want to use you or kill you because they would feel threatened. I do think you should go back to Tris after initiation though. Everyone would welcome you back with open arms."

I smile up at him. When I look into his face, the serious lines that crease his forehead and his lips pressed together in straight line, I can only think about how much I love him.

"I really needed to hear that," I whisper before I kiss him gently on the lips. "Now how about we go see Tori?"