Lost, Hopeless, and Destroyed (A One Direction/Niall Horan Fanfic)

Chapter 12 - All Too Much

*Authors Note*

Hey guys! Here's chapter 12! Hope you enjoyyyy x

5 Votes for the next chapter!! c:

love you all <3

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*Louis POV*

"Whats wrong?" Niall asks us as he and Mel come through the door and see our faces. After telling them that we have a problem, right then, I see fear in Melody's eyes. Cold and worried expression lit upon her face. Niall's was also in a state of worry.

"We're going on our European tour." I stated.

"What does this m-mean?" Mel stuttered.

"It means that we are going to have to go away for about 2-3 months. Simon says you can't come with either. Our girlfriends also have to deal with this when it happens, and we have to be away from them as well. I know we said we would help you and make sure you're okay and for the past week nothing has happend and you seem healthy and happy. And we still want to watch after you and be with you, but we have no choice. We have to go on tour. You can stay here while we're away if you would like. But we leave tomorrow. I'm sorry love. I hope you won't take this the wrong way. I wish we could just stay here with you."

She stood there completely frozen.

*Melody's POV*

I couldn't move when Louis told me the news. I couldn't believe Simon was making them go on tour. Surely he didn't know about my position in all of this, but still. What the fuck?! Sudden much?!?! Ugh, I just knew this would happen. Right when I was finally starting to feel happy, it of course gets ruined by something. I swear, I believe as if God wants me to be unhappy. And trick me into believing that I actually could be happy, and then just takes it away like giving me hope, then just crushing it with all force...

"I u-understand." I told them. They all looked sad. I turned to Nialler. "I love you Nialler. It's okay, I'll will be okay." I lied. "Just go and I'll wait here for you until you get back." I told him as tears started to fill my eyes. 'NO!' I said to myself. 'Don't cry, don't fucking cry. Don't show them how weak you are!'

"Baby I don't want to go! I don't want to leave you. You're my everything!!" Niall said. Almost crying.

"I know baby, but go, go and when you get back, we can finally be together again." I said and gave him a passionate kiss. I ran to my room and shut the door behind me. All that night the boys were packing, but I could tell how disappointed they were that they had to leave. I could tell it hurt them to leave me. I could see pain in their eyes when they seen me talking to Niall right after Louis told us the news. But all that night, I could hear Niall crying into his pillow. I didn't go to his room because I was also crying, and if he saw me crying this bad it would make him more upset. I hated seeing him like this though, and I hated seeing the boys in so much pain as well. But I didn't hate seeing myself in pain, because deep down, I know I deserved it.

The next morning, I heard a british accent call my name. I woke up with red puffy eyes. I walked down stairs and saw the boys packing and were getting ready to leave. I looked at Niall and told him to come here. He did and i grabbed his hand and walked towards his bedroom. He looked confused but went along with it. I closed the door and slammed him up against it. I told him I love him. He told me he loved me too. We made out for about 5 minutes and then Harry called for us and it was time for Niall and the rest of the boys to leave. We go in the living room and for about 10 minutes discuss what the plan was and what was going to happen.

"Eleanor or Danielle will check up on you a couple of time a month just to make sure everything is okay. They have the key to the flat too. Just so you know." Louis said.

"Alright." I told him. They were nice girls from when we met a couple of days ago. I forgot to mention it but i met them. They were really sweet. Especially Eleanor.

"We're going to miss you!!!" Harry, Liam, Louis and Zayn all said similarly.

"I'm gonna miss you guys too!!" 

"And I'll miss you most of all..." Niall said with a small smile while looking into my eyes and holding my hands with his and brought them up to his chest. I blushed.

"I know you will. I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'll text you and call as much as possible and whenever I can Princess."

"I know you will, my Prince. I know..."

Then I gave all the boys a hug and a hug and kiss for Niall. I hated every moment of them walking out the door, especially Niall. Because I needed them... Bc without them, I knew I was going to fall apart all over again.. and much worse this time around....

*1 week later*

I couldn't tell you what it felt like to be away from him. It was almost unbearable. Every day and night was so much pain. I couldn't cope at all. So after pacing back in fourth deciding whether or not to do it, I finally made my decision. Yes. Yes, I will do it. And it will help. Help with everything. I quickly went to the store and bought a package of sharp edged razors (the box cutter kind) and quickly ran back home. Locked the door behind me of course, and opened the box fast. Some of the razor's fell to the floor, but I ignored it. I took one and ran into the bathroom. I took of my shirt and looked into the mirror in only a bra. Go ahead, do it. You worthless piece of shit. I bet when Niall comes back he will realize he can do way better and throw your ass out like the peice of filthy trash you know you are! I started to cry heavily and with one swift motion, I sliced my wrist. I continued to cut in that moment. 8 cuts on both my wrists, 3 on my stomach and boney hips. Then 10 on my thighs. There was blood EVERYWHERE. Once I had realized what I had done, I knew for sure that Niall wouldn't want me now. Who would want such an ugly person like me?? NO ONE. I continued to cry and I laid on the floor crying as blood flowed out of my body. This is all too much I whispered to myself. I then fell alsleep crying on the bathroom floor, in my own pool of blood...