Lost, Hopeless, and Destroyed (A One Direction/Niall Horan Fanfic)

Chapter 34 - Funeral

*the next morning*

*Melody's POV*

I woke up hoping that everything that happened was a dream. But it wasn't once I seen the bandage on my wrist. Why am I so fucked up? Liam just died and I'm still only thinking of myself. I should have died instead of him. But I couldn't do that to Niall.

I feel Niall wake up beside me and hearing his voice. "Hey princess. How are you feeling?" He looked at me and gently grazed his thumb across the bandage covering the wound on my wrist.

"Okay." I mumble. I look up at him so my eyes meet his. "Niall, I just want to let you know that I'm so sorry for what I did last night, It was just so much and I wasn't even thinking. It will never happen again. Or at least I will try so hard not to in the future. And to be honest, It didn't feel the same as it used to. It didn't give me that release. And for that, I know that I'm done with this unhealthy destructive addcition. I won't let it control me anymore." I give a half smile. I'm serious about it this time. Not that i didn't try the other times, I did. But, this time it just feels different.

He smiles back. "I just want you to be happy. And I'm happy that we can move on and finally get the chance to do that. I know it's a lot to take in from last night. But we'll get through this." His eyes glisten with tears. "I promise." A single tear falls down his left cheek.

I wipe it away for him. "I know." I whisper. Trying not to cry. I did enough of that yesterday. I don't think I have anymore in me.

"It's just- It's my fault he's gone. I was such an asshole to him at the diner and I never even said sorry." I sobbed. "I couldn't save Lily, and I couldn't save L-Liam. Why am I so weak?"

"You're the strongest person I know. And not everyone can be saved. They didn't make it maybe because it was their time. God wanted them." He tried to explain to me. "It's not your fault Melody. You always told me to stop blaming myself for the reason you attempted suicide. And told me it wasn't my fault, and if it wasn't, then it's not your fault that Liam did either. Especially when it had nothing to do with you. Do you understand?"

It did make sense. Niall was right. I was being a hypocrite. I needed to stop blaming myself when it was depression and his thoughts that truly caused the damage. Something I knew all to much about.

"I-I understand. You're right Nialler. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, just know that Liam did love us, and he would have never done this if he knew there was no other option." Niall said to me sincerely. "I just wish he knew that he was wrong in the end."

*5 days later*

Today was Liam's funeral. It was a sad day for all of us. We all wore black. And today, I wore a black dress and black heals. My scars on my arms were visable. But I honestly could care less about that. The bandage was no longer there considering my wound was almost fully healed. Today was Liam's day. I didn't want it to be about just me anymore. I'm sick of doing that. I mean, look where it's gotten us. One less person on this earth...

We get there. Liam's family and other friends are there as well. Jasmine even came. Then finally, it starts. The priest starts talking and I bow my head and close my eyes, tears already stain my cheek. Before the priest would make his speech, people had some words to say about Liam.

Liam's mom, Danielle, and one of his best friends back home stood and said a few words about Liam.Then the boys all went and said something as well. I was up. I take a deep breath and go closer to the coffin and up to the podium. I looked at everyone, then at Liam's lifeless body. I look down then up again.