love like fools ➙ glee

forty-six ; it's not unusual.

Alicia disappeared for the summer. From everyone except Quinn Fabray, that is.

She'd spent all of her vacation dreading going back to McKinley for her junior year. The last thing she wanted to do was face the glee club. Especially Finn and Mr. Schuester. She could barely face her own mother, trying to cope with her suppressed rage over her father's unannounced presence during Nationals. 

So she spent her mornings, afternoons, and most evenings by Quinn's side. She helped dye her short hair bright pink, and Quinn used the residual dye to add pink streaks to Alicia's ends. It was one of the only nights they'd spent laughing together, splattering the Fabrays' bathroom with brightly-colored dye and making fun of how her obsessive mother might react. Alicia ignored the texts from Finn and Kurt that came in that night. Eventually, by July, the texts stopped coming at all. 

Quinn found a girl gang called the Skanks and brought Alicia with her. They changed their styles together, instead adorning more edgier clothing and rarely washing their hair. Alicia knew that Arabella was disappointed and concerned, but every time her mother intervened, she left without a word. Nothing was going to stop her now. She needed to escape the inside of her own head, and smoking helped with that.

But it was the first day of school, and she felt like she might perish.

Jacob Ben Israel was skittering through the crowded halls, desperately cornering every single well-known senior and pressuring them about their future plans. Alicia saw Finn as soon as Jacob did, ducking behind a group of hockey players getting slushies as she observed him.

He'd gotten a little taller over the summer. Grown into himself more, maybe. He was wearing his signature letterman's jacket, and he offered Jacob a nervous smile while being interrogated about his future. Despite how hard she tried to forget about Finn during vacation, she couldn't look away now. 

It cost her. When Jacob broke away from Finn, looking disappointed, he spotted Alicia. She groaned under her breath, weaving in and out of the crowd in an attempt to escape him. While she was pretty sure Finn hadn't seen her, any attempts of evading Jacob were unsuccessful.

"Alicia Hastings! Wow, you look like my dad's ex-wife!" 

Alicia spun around on the toe of her boot, crossing her arms. She knew her new style was a little unconventional, considering the ripped fishnets, leather skirt, faded band tee, and her leather jacket, but it wasn't that bad. Was it? Her mother's look this morning wasn't as disapproving as normal, at least. She'd put in effort for the first day. Not that she'd admit that to Quinn. "She shouldn't have married a man. That was her first mistake."

Jacob looked confused, before clearing his throat. "Alicia, you disappeared off the face of the earth along with Quinn Fabray, and you come back looking like that. Am I right to assume it's over the alleged betrayal of Jesse St. James?" 

His name made Alicia's breath catch. She hadn't heard his name over the entire summer; had barely thought it, and when she did, she lit a cigarette. "What?" she asked tightly.

Jacob frowned, then nodded rapidly. "It's all anyone was talking about when the New Directions got twelfth place in Nationals. Everyone blame you and your fling with Jesse St. James for the humiliating defeat. I mean, you were dumb enough to trust him, weren't you?" 

Alicia narrowed her eyes. Within a beat, she latched onto the collar of Jacob's shirt, dragging him across the halls even as he protested. When she finally reached a deserted corridor, she let go rather aggressively, his back smacking against the lockers.

Careful, whispered a voice that sounded too familiar. You're better than this. Better than Karofsky and his suffering. Don't you have more courage than this?