love like fools ➙ glee

eleven ; crazy for you.

"How do you know when you like someone?"

Originally, Alicia had arrived early to school in the hopes of talking to Mr. Schuester about the yearbook photo. Like Rachel, she thought it was a brilliant idea -- one she was more than happy to participate in, even if the other glee kids seemed reluctant. At the last minute, she had detoured. Her thoughts must have guided her there.

She was afraid she was losing her mind.

Miss Pillsbury watched her with wide brown eyes. "Ex-excuse me?"

Alicia had been dwelling. Frequently. Ever since the sight of Finn Hudson stole her breath away, she knew something was wrong. That only increased last week when Kurt and Rachel aimed to get Finn's attention. She'd noticed Quinn act offended over that even as she spent more time with Noah. Alicia couldn't help but wonder if it was really about Finn or Rachel.

"Do they--?" Alicia paused, floundering for the right words. For an author, she'd found herself in this situation often. "Do they take your breath away?" Saying that made her feel vulnerable somehow. As if she was opening herself up to ridicule.

Which was insane. Guidance counselors would never mock their students. Especially not this one.

Otherwise, Mr. Schuester wouldn't like her so much.

Emma (Alicia had always loved the name Emma and she used it internally, even if etiquette kept her from saying it aloud) faltered. Her hands seemed unsure of their purpose, fluttering before settling on her desk. She took a deep breath before nodding. "Yes. In my experience, they do. N-not recent experience, of course!"

Alicia frowned. "Aren't you engaged?" To Ken Tanaka. The horror. 

It was none of her business, especially since they were both in steady relationships, but she'd always thought Miss Pillsbury and Mr. Schuester belonged together. Especially after that hug at Kurt's football game all those months ago.

Emma blushed crimson. "Yes. Yes, I am, it's just . . . this isn't about me," she insisted hurriedly. She offered Alicia a reassuring smile when she raised her eyebrows defiantly. "It isn't. Now, is there someone . . . someone in your life you believe you may like?"

Thoughts of Finn emerged. Emma wasn't the only one blushing now. Alicia ducked her head, hoping her fallen hair would hide her embarrassment. "Possibly," she whispered. Oh, who was she kidding? "Yes."

"Would you like to talk to me about him or her?" As a pansexual, Alicia appreciated Emma not assuming the person was a boy. "How do they make you feel? Are you two very close?"

"He's my best friend," Alicia admitted. "And he makes me feel . . . visible. I've spent so long feeling completely invisible, as if everyone looked right through me. Until we met." Honesty bled through her words as apprehension bubbled in her chest. No no no. She was in too deep to continue festering in denial anymore.

Instead of feeling giddy like any normal freshman girl with a crush, she was terrified. Her own parents' relationship crumbled apart. What if she was like her father and ended up leaving? More importantly, Finn loved Quinn. If he didn't love Rachel or Kurt, he would never love her.

She didn't believe that to be self-deprecating. It was fact. You couldn't give your heart out a dozen times at once.

Besides, Quinn was pregnant. With his child. Alicia would never sabotage a potential family, not after her own had imploded.

She leaped from her seat before Emma could respond. "Thank you so much for listening, Miss Pillsbury, but I really ought to get to class." There were fifteen more minutes until the bell rang. Lying rarely came easily to Alicia. Only when necessary. And it was necessary now. "Thank you again, I just-- I can't." As Emma called her name, she fled from the office at top speed.