𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, ᴋᴀʀᴍᴀ ᴀ.

25.5 | summertime sadness

───── ❝ bird  ❞ ─────

[karma akabane]

TW/CW: mentions of assault & arson

Emei's parents divorced when she was 10. They spent the first year of their split rebuilding their single lives and consequently neglecting their daughter.

Believe it or not, Emei used to be very chatty and extroverted. The emotional trauma of having her family torn apart twisted her character into a timid child. Over the years, she kept to herself and didn't care to get close to anyone.

Even when her only friend tried to comfort her and be with her through the messy divorce, it wasn't enough to stop the trust issues from arising. Emei called this friend Bird because she was pretty and had a pretty voice that everyone loved to hear.

Emei grew too attached to Bird which led to Bird getting annoyed and distancing herself. They would talk less and less, and going on middle school the two almost stopped talking completely.

All she wanted was someone to stay with her and give her the attention she was missing from her family.

At the beginning of their second year in junior high, Emei had lost all connection with Bird. They wouldn't spare a glance at each other in class or the halls; they were like two strangers who never had history.

Emei didn't bother to create new bonds with people out of fear that the friendship will die shortly. That didn't stop her from secretly finding ways to mend her broken friendship with Bird.

Emei would often observe Bird's friends and the way they treated Bird wrongly. She saw how Bird's obsession with maturing and popularity was destroying her childhood.

She saw how Bird got disturbingly close to an influential teacher in their school.

Emei had this perspective that when someone leaves, they leave for good, and if they come crawling back expecting things to be the same, they are considered toxic and backstabbing.

Bird came knocking at Emei's door in tears, and confessed how horribly she's been treated by her friends, and how she was almost assaulted by her favorite teacher.

Emei didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around her friend and whisper reassuring words to her.

But something about Bird coming back felt bitter.

This was what she wanted for so long, right? She wanted her old friend back. She dreamed of things going back to the way they were and would do anything to get that reality in a heartbeat.

It just felt wrong.

Emei couldn't just accept Bird back into her life after she walked away so easily. She realized how unfair their friendship has always been and started to uncover details she missed in their past.

Their friendship wasn't that great, now that she remembered the full picture. Bird never treated Emei like her best friend.

It was just Emei. Bird was Emei's best friend, but Emei wasn't Bird's.

For the following days, the two of them spoke again as if nothing happened the previous year. Although it felt natural, like two friends catching up, there was still a gap between them.

This time, it was Emei who was scared to get too close.

Bird clung to Emei like a helpless child. And the longer she did it, a wave of unsettling anger would creep its way into Emei's veins.

It was this chill, or voice, tempting her to hurt Bird. Hurt Bird the way she hurt Emei. Emei was paranoid; she was paranoid that Bird would disappear again once she regained her self-confidence.

Emei was so paranoid that Bird would leave before she could hurt her. She wanted to hurt Bird. She felt so angry. It was her only emotion mixed in with a burning frustration that brought her to tears.

Thus grew her bloodlust for revenge.

Bird often ranted to Emei about her loath for that teacher, and like all the times before, Emei lent a shoulder to cry on. Bird would jokingly wish death upon him, but never actually said she wanted to hurt him.

The next day Emei wandered the halls with a lighter in her pocket, unsure of what she was about to do.

She was going to get her revenge; o̶n̶ for Bird.

Emei snuck into the teacher's room during lunchtime, when he was out to pick up his food and logged into his computer. She found all the emails and texts and disgusting conversations between him and Bird.

She took screenshots of it and anonymously scheduled an email to go out in five minutes. She knew that it would not only expose the teacher but also expose Bird. In this fucked up world being a victim of a child molester is "shameful." Ridiculous.

Her "best friend" the girl she wanted to keep so close to her; Emei wanted to drive her away.

Emei wanted to hurt Bird. But not through violence, not through yelling. This was her chance to do it "unintentionally." This was her revenge.

Then she flipped the lighter open and held it to the stack of papers on the desk, stepping back to watch the flames rise.

The disgusting teacher's office was set ablaze. And at the same time, she felt a big hand pull her out of the burning room, the email was sent out.

Emei faced court trials with the other two individuals directly affected by the situation.

The teacher was shunned from the education industry, Bird moved across the country to restart fresh, and Emei's family pulled many strings to ensure his daughter would suffer the lightest punishment.

Funny enough, that trial was the first and the last event that brought all the people dear to her together.

When the trial was over, Emei returned to her house wearing an ankle bracelet.

She was alone again.

I made sure to listen to her the entirety of her story, quietly processing the information from my bed.

When everything was said, she struggled to face me. It took a while, but she soon recovered, giving me a weak smile. Sharing such personal feelings for anyone must have been hard.

To bring back bitter memories of the root of her abandonment issues. I appreciated that she trusts me enough to tell me this. In a way, I'm glad.

But...something made that trust given to me feel uneasy.

I patted her head, stroking her hair. "Thanks for trusting me with your feelings."

Emei nodded. "Yeah."

Emei confessed that she regrets what she did. However, she did not and will not ever regret why she did it. Emei does not want to return to that miserable chapter in her life.

"If I ever run into bird again..."

"What will you do?"

"I think I'd ignore her," she said with a shrug.

(I struggle real bad when it comes to writing "deep" and complex characters so I hope this was okay 😔)