love letters | soap mactavish ✓

the anniversary

It's been four years since Santana got his last letter. But even after years, the pain never ceased.

Waking up every day hurt like getting stabbed. Her entire being hurt and she was incapable of taking care of herself. There was nothing worth living for, it seemed. The world became grey and dull without him, she was incapable to find anything that could bring joy in her life.

He was right. She couldn't keep her promise. She wasn't living anymore, she was just barely surviving.

The waves almost reached above her head when a miracle came into her life. Her baby boy. Their beautiful baby boy, Forrest.

She named him after the last gift she received from Johnny. When he visited her in London, they got a little lost as they explored the city further. They went to places nobody else wanted to, finding places that were long forgotten. And this is how they found a little park, which looked like a little jungle forest. Completely overtaken by nature, with only a little pond standing in the middle of it.

It was magical. Neither of them expected it to be there but it was one of the most beautiful accidents to stumble upon them. Just like their baby boy.

And as Forrest got older, he started to look like his father day by day. It almost hurt to look at Forrest because of how much he reminded her of Johnny. But she turned the pain into admiration, loving her boy like nothing else in this world.

Santana decided it was best for them to stay in London with Harper for a while. Her family flew out to visit her and the baby and they asked for constant updates of them, the girl trying her hardest to be a good mom and a good daughter at the same time.

She had no idea how to be a mom. She barely got over the fact she wasn't a child anymore and she already got a child hanging from her hips. Being a single mom never was easy, but she got reminded everyday by Forrest of the absence of his father. Santana cried every day and mourned the life they could've had, meanwhile, she tried her hardest to provide for her and the baby.

Harper was a great help throughout everything. She went to pick clothes for the baby when Santana couldn't get up, weighted down my depression and being heavily pregnant. Harper was there when she gave birth, cutting the umbilical cord and snapping the first pictures of their new family. She was there to take care of both of them until Santana could get herself together. And Santana will be forever grateful for her friend.

Forrest's first birthday was the hardest for her since the funeral. Santana acted all tough and okay in front of her baby, but as soon as he was out of her sight she broke down crying. Johnny will never be there on his birthdays. He'll never teach his son how to ride a bike or play football in the backyard.

But the baby had two moms instead. She and Harper. And both of them busted their asses off to give him everything he needed in life.

And Forrest was a wonderful baby. He rarely ever cried and liked everything life had shown him. He had his father's eyes and smile, which felt like she still had a piece of Johnny with her. Whenever she looked at her boy, she started to appreciate him more and break down a lot less. Once Santana started to go to therapy and built a better mental health, her relationship with Forrest got much better.

Whenever she had the opportunity she spent it with her boy. Every night she would tell stories of his father to him, reading his letters as a night story. She stored every letter in a delicate box that was her most priced possession and never let anyone touch it, but for her baby she would give anything. If he wouldn't be able to meet his father, Santana wanted to make sure he at least got the opportunity to get to know him. Even if it was only through her stories.

But in Forrest's eyes, his father was a great hero. He fought off evil every day, saved lives, and made everybody's life better. One of his first words was Johnny, which broke Santana's soul even more. But once he was old enough to understand the stories about his father, he started to ask for more. He wanted to know everything about his father.