The Angry Swan ~ Carlisle Cullen x Reader

Ch. 44 ~ Alpha Talks Love & War

A/N: Peek-a-boo 🙈🙉, Enjoy the chapter, Sorry for the prolonged hiatus. Life is the excuse 😂.

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Y/n's POV

FlashBack Continued

Saying goodbye to mother wasn't nearly as hard for me as it was for Bella. The look of doubt which flashed through her eyes as her and mother hugged didn't go unnoticed by either myself or Edward. It was reassuring to know that some part of Bella still questioned her judgement, though at the end of the day we all knew that small voice of doubt wouldn't be enough to convince her to live a human life a little while longer.

We returned home early Monday morning defeated by Jet lag as I wasted not a second scrambling out of Edwards Volvo and running to my bed. I slept that day away not caring for school and the fact that I'd miss a study class for an upcoming exam at the end of that week.

Tuesday the same attitude followed.

Seniors weren't required to attend classes at a compulsory standard anymore given graduation was literally a month away. There was nothing left for the teachers to teach us, leaving studying in our own hands. Whether you chose to study for your exams was your choice and the blame would only fall on your shoulder should you fail the exams.

Regardless I was fairly confident in my knowledge of Physics to pass the exams even if I missed two days of school. Grabbing my helmet I made my way out front to uncover my bike. A lot had played on my mind since my discussion with Sarah's parents. They had shed some light on the situation concerning my relationship with Carlisle and had definitely made me reconsider forgiving him.

Still, the small voice of doubt rang loudly in my head like alarm bells. Edward had cornered me that same night after Bella fell asleep to confront me on my thoughts of leaving Forks after graduation. While that was my initial intention of visiting mother to browse colleges in Florida, the conversation with Sarah's parents had swayed my judgement once again rendering me indecisive on where I stood on the whole matter.

We spoke only briefly on the matter before he said something which brought back the doubt, the small voice that lingers in the back of my mind. What Sarah's parents said about loving Carlisle was all true, my heart swells at the mere thought of him. Yet Edward's words left a sour taste in my mouth once more.

"You and I both know Bella won't change her mind. When the time comes do you think you can handle it all over again? Being left behind, alone, separated? Are you sure that in a month's time, when Bella becomes one of us and we are forced to leave, that you can live with the distance and decisions forced upon you once more?"

His words spoke of what I hadn't considered a possibility. The shock on my face must have given him my answer for he walked out of my room without another word or glance in my direction. I had been so caught up in trying to figure out where I stood that I had let time slip by and now when I finally had the answer I desired I was yet again forced to question if it was the right answer.

'Would I be able to handle it again? Would I be able to live with being left behind? Being alone? Would I still have contact with them this time? Would they try to make me forget by making it look like they never existed? Would I just be signing myself up to have my heart broken all over again? What about my sister? If I chose to remain human would that mean never seeing her again? Would I be losing more than I bargained for if I did this?'

Too many more questions of doubt we're rising within me once again as I made my way through the reservation to Emily's place. Leah had contacted me last night asking for me to drop by and free her of the insufferable and overwhelming feeling of being surrounded by a bunch of boys and two other people who really couldn't keep a dial on the PDA regardless of the ongoing beef.