Fragile

4. Cute

"How was school bunny?" Mom asks me as we sit in the dinner table with cozy little candles around the table.

Like shit. I wanted to bang my head to the wall at least twenty times. But only "it was fine." came out. Elijah had had a rough day too, football was apparently becoming more difficult and his grades weren't, well, good. Mom wasn't very pleased about that.

I ate my food, the whole plate. I had been so hungry the whole day, but as the forest green eye boy said 'I'll live'. No one said that losing weight would be easy, I wasn't going to stop at this point. No way. But my hunger got the best of me now, I couldn't resist this dinner. And I was really allowed to eat this, a little quilt washed over me when I starved this day. I know should't do that, mom would be so worried.

This afternoon I had refused to eat and Leo congratulated me for it. He said that I was already fat and didn't deserve the meal. He was right, of course I knew it.

I didn't tell anyone about the forest green eye boy. I should've asked his name at least but I didn't for some reason and now it was too late. He had already probably forgotten me and it would get very awkward to randomly go up to him just to ask for his name. I decided that it was probably for the best to just forget about him and concentrate on my real problems: weight loss.

"Thanks for the food!" I say to mom and go place my plate in the dishwasher. Elijah copies me soon after.

"Don't we have any dessert?" He complains after a while of quietness.

"I don't know, ask mom." I reply.

"We have ice cream in the freezer." Mom yells from the kitchen and Elijah speeds up to the freezer. He pulls out two big ice creams and hands the other one to me.

"It's strawberry flavoured." He mourned after opening the wrapping.

I don't think much of it before I open up my wrapping, I got chocolate.

"Nooo you got the better one." He scoffs.

"Wanna switch?" I ask, strawberry must have less calories than the chocolate one. I hadn't done any research about ice cream calories, but it couldn't be that much? I had no idea but oh well. It was just an ice cream and I had many calories saved already.

"Thanks!" He says and I give him the better ice cream while taking the strawberry myself. We both head to upstairs then, I had promised to help him with maths and chemistry after eating but right now it was not very fun sounding task. I wanted nothing more than just fall to my bed and lay there until sunrise.

However, a task was a task and I had to complete what I promised. We lay in his junk bed while I try my best to stay calm and teach him the basics. It was hard since my body was still hungry and I found it so difficult to simply not think about food all the time. I was craving all kinds of foods, but I kept my cool and taught him the best I could.

After a couple hours he finally understood basically everything so I was free to go. I sigh as I walk into my room, noticing my half way done math homework and literature essay lying in the table. I wasn't that free to go after all. I decide to do them quickly and then I could just chill, it wouldn't take that much time.

But it did. The clock pointed at 11:34pm when I finally wrote the last word to my essay. It had taken over three hours. My body was sore and screamed to eat then sleep for a whole week. My energy was off and I gave in, rolling to my bedsheets without washing my teeth or face from makeup, and still with my school clothes on. It didn't even take three seconds to fall asleep.

***

*prr prr prr prr prr* something beeps. With every 'prr' noice the sound just gets louder every time. Nooo I wasn't ready to wake up yet.

A groan escapes my mouth as I sit up and press "stop" button on my alarm. The prrs stop immediately and I want to do anything but actually get ready for school. The hunger had made me feel weak, this was the second day of my strict diet and my legs felt weird. But I shrug it off and pick out quickly a nice white hoodie and flare jeans, basic but whatever. Even though there was a little bit snow outside I also put on my converse shoes, the basic ones of course. I know I didn't really have a style, but school was more important. And after I lose some weight I will head to the mall with Dahlia to buy some pretty clothes that suit my new body. How fun!

I take extra time brushing my teeth since I hadn't done it last night. I wonder how much I weigh? I know I'm already kinda late from school but I need to know. So I pull the scale out and step on it. Even with clothes on, I had lost five pounds in two weeks. Ot wasn't nearly enough that I wanted. I know that 160 pounds was my goal but that's way too much. 140 pounds would be better, then I'll stop this.

***

School is torture, I can't say anything else. My brain simply doesn't work properly and all I can think about is food. I'm craving everything so badly, cheese fries, oreos, pizza, noodles, cake, whatever that makes me feel full. I want to binge and eat until I feel good. I miss everything that is taught, sucks but I need to prioritise things.

"You coming to eat today?" Dahlia interrupts my thoughts.

"Uhh I don't know... I'm not very hungry." I answer without even looking at her.

"Your stomach disagrees." She mutters and I glance at her.

"Huh?" I question.

"It's been growling for the entire lesson, must be so embarrassing. Go eat a sandwich." Dahlia answers.

"Right. But I'm really not that hungry." I exclaim, getting a weird look from her. "What?"

"Hey, you shouldn't starve yourself even though Leo said so. You're not even fat." Dahlia replies and stares at my body.

Even fat? What the hell? "I'm not starving myself!" I blurt out. She was just trying to sabotage my weight loss efforts. But I was stronger than that.

"Okay." She mutters back and then turns away to listen the teacher, pretending to study.

The bell rings just in time and I am glad to leave Dahlia behind, because we had different classes now. She had chosen drama club over biology, I didn't quite understand why because Dahlia hates acting and never watches movies etc. Maybe she just wanted to get away from biology.

At the biology class door, someone says my name. I turn around quickly, just to see that it was the forest green eyed guy. My brows jump higher from surprise.

"Hi Livia." He says casually and flashes a smile for me. He was without his friends this time.

"Oh hi." I say, probably sounding stupid because of my surprise. "How'd you know my name?" The question just slips away from my mouth.

"I heard the teacher call on you yesterday." He shrugs off.

"Right. Cool. What's your name." I stutter, gosh I am stupid. I never speak to any boys, except my own brother, so how am I supposed to know what to say and when?

"Fox." He mutters looking a little embarrassed.

"Fox?" I laugh out loud before understanding that he was indeed not joking. "I'm so so sorry, it's just... why Fox?" I ask embarrassed.

"It's fine really, you can blame my mom, she's the one who came up with the idea." He says almost laughing.

"But like, you have dark brown hair?" I ask confused and stare at his fluffy hair that looked soft as cotton candy.

"I dyed my hair, my original colour is indeed red as a fox." He mutters and fluffs his hair a bit more. Damn he looked fine.

"Okay I get it; red hair and green eyes. Fox." I exclaim.

"It was still a stupid name to come up with, but can't do anything for it now. Not until I turn eighteen and then I'll finally change it."

And without any kind of brain in my head, "I think it's kinda cute." comes out of my mouth. Then I realise what the hell have I just said and a light pink makes its way to my cheeks. Did I really just say that his name is cute...?

"You know what else is cute? You." He whispers and then smiles his sweet dimple smile. To ME?

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