Fragile

11. Skipping school

"What happened there, wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve one single word that guy said to you, okay?" Fox says and looks deep into my soul that was shattered. He wasn't holding me anymore, since I had went to close the bathroom door that he'd left opened. It would've been unpleasant if someone saw us.

"But I did, you don't understand." I mutter and look down at my shoes, standing in the corner.

"Livia, listen to me. Even if you were careless or you talked shit about your friend or whatever not friend-kinda thing you did, you didn't deserve that. You didn't. And I really mean it, because no one should ever hear that kind of stuff." Fox says and pulls my chin up so I'm forced to look into his piercing emerald eyes.

"Did you hear all that Leo said to me... or what I said to him?" I ask with a mournful expression. It's only till now that I realise what I had said in the cafeteria. Why do I have to always be so short-tempered? But I know the answer to my own question; I was hungry. My self control on eating might be nearly flawless but my temper had seen serious flaws. I couldn't keep my emotions down, it felt like having a long time period. Non-stop my feelings were overwhelming and I could snap at anyone at anytime. And when I snapped, it usually led to arguments. And arguments led to bad relationships.

My every single life relationship had gotten worse, at least ten times. Me and mom's, Elijah's, all of my friends'. When I came home, I created arguments from stupid things without even meaning to. Mom was so upset with me that we hardly even spoke anymore. Elijah didn't ask me for help since all I did was lose my temper. I hated myself for it so much but it felt out of control.

But I had to decide between being nice and ugly, or being skinny and mean. But the mean part was only till I would actually get skinny and then all of it would stop. Then everyone would love me, including myself. Then I could eat again so I would get my kindness back.

But only Fox had not pissed me off every time I saw him, which I was thankful to. He was more supportive than I deserved. I didn't really deserve all his care and encouraging words. I wanted it so badly, craved it more than I should. How badly I just wanted to feel wanted made me want to sob against Fox's chest. I wanted to feel his arms around me again, so soft and strong. He made me feel safe and comfortable, he made me feel enough. Like no one else ever had.

"I wasn't there when it happened but I heard pretty much everything from friends." He states.

I fall quiet for a while and stare at my shoes. Thinking about everything when Fox slowly takes a step towards me with unreadable expression. It was a mix of worry and understanding.

It felt like he was asking the permission to hug me, and even though I knew damn well that I didn't deserve it, I gave in.

I take a step forward and let myself crush against his chest, listening to his calm heartbeat. My hands find their way around his waist and he wraps his gentle arms around me too. Fox's cheek rests on top of my head, somehow making me even more comfortable.

The quilt washes over me but I'm too tired to care about it. Nothing matters anymore, if I could, I would choose to be in this position for the rest of my life.

A sob echoes in the room and it takes a while for me to understand that it's coming from me. Without even knowing, I had unconsciously started to cry and tears made their way down my cheeks, even though some of them stopped at Fox's shirt.

"It's okay, I'm right here." Fox whispers and strokes my hair softly.

"Can we please leave?" I ask quietly sobbing.

"Of course." He whispers softly and we pull apart, but Fox doesn't fully let go of me. And I'm a bit more grateful from it than I probably should be.

He supports me by having a strong arm around my shoulders while we walk through the empty hallways. Thank god they were empty since my cheeks were still full of tears and my eyes glowing red. It would've been awful to run into somebody.