Sincerely Luna Rose

December 25th, 2014

Dear Dad,

It's Christmas, as you can tell by the date at the top of this page. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas. I don't know what you're doing or who you're doing it with, but I hope that you're having a good holiday. Maybe you've got another family now? New and improved? I don't know. Maybe you're homeless, getting drunk and looking for clovers in the snow. Either way, I kind of wish that you were here because nobody else is. I mean, my friends are here. But Mom is still gone to I-don't-know-where and Nathan... I don't know where he is but he's not here. And I know that if you hadn't run away from me so long ago that you'd be here today, because you always loved Christmas. I remember you dressing up as Santa for me and Nathan and eating the cookies that we'd baked.

I also remember watching you walk out the front door forever, because the Christmas after that was the year that I realized that Santa doesn't exist, which is traumatizing for a kid, by the way.

Christmas was so much fun when you were here, but just like most things around here, it turned to crap after you disappeared. Mom got violent, Nathan got distant, and I realized how shitty people can be, even the ones that you love the most. It was brutal and since this is the first time that I've ever written to you, I'll let you know just how shitty things got after the Era of Dad. Even though I won't even send this, and you will still never know how desperately this family needed you.

First of all, let me just say that I've read a lot of stories about families with abusive parents where the older sibling will always step in front of the little sibling and take the beating instead, to defend the littler one. Nathan was never, ever like that once Mom lost it when you disappeared. He was relieved when I was old enough to start getting thrown around by our mother because it meant that he wasn't getting hit as much anymore. He would always run away whenever my mom got angry and when I learned that I should run away too, age didn't matter. What mattered was who could run faster, who could get away quicker, who could hide better. Every man for him (or her) self.

And it's all your fault, because you should have been there to protect both of us. You shouldn't have left, because you are a father and fathers can't just leave like that, you know? It's so fucked up to just wake up one morning and realize that you don't want your life, that your children aren't good enough for you. I understand that my mom isn't the most tolerable person in the world, but you left us. And you're so shitty. And I hate you.

But then I'll remember all of those amazing times looking for clovers in the field, looking at the stars, playing Santa. And I miss you. More than anything. I miss you, Dad.

But now I'm getting carried away with a stupid letter that I'll never send. I only wrote to wish you a Merry Christmas. So yeah, Merry Christmas. Best wishes. And also go fuck yourself.

Included Picture: My pathetic little Christmas tree

Sincerely
Luna Rose
(Your daughter, if you've forgotten)

Not my typical letter, but it's Christmas so I decided to do something a little different and it's made me emotional, which is annoying. I seal up the letter and put it away below my bed before I'm recovering my emotional stability so that I can join my friends across the alley in the Ronlux basement. It just screams Christmas spirit, doesn't it?

Once in the Ronlux, I'm with all of my friends except for Tasha, who is spending the holiday with her family because her mom was actually able to get the day off of work, which is a miracle considering how much she's always working. Good for Tasha though, because I know how much she loves spending time with her family.