Broken and Bruised (One Direction Fan Fic)

Explanations & Apologies

"I'm so sorry Jordan." I manage to choke out. Looking at me with soft eyes, she clasps her hand around mine, squeezing it gently, reassuring me everything is okay.

Gauze is wrapped around her left arm, hiding what Jordan did to her self less than two hours ago.

"Why?" I ask, as tears spill over my cheeks. A confused look settles over her face as my question sinks in.

"Many reasons Liam. Many reasons." She's says, after deeply sighing.

"No Jordan. That's not an answer! Why did you do this to yourself??" I ask again, trying desperately to stay calm.

"Because I know that all of you guys hate me for doing such a bad thing. There you go is that an answer for you!?" She asks rather sharply.

"Why'd you run in the first place?" I ask quietly.

"Because Liam I didn't trust you. I didn't trust myself for telling you something that I've tried so hard to bury. I hate that I told you so much. I hate that I slipped up. I've made such a big mistake and now, now I'm paying for the consequences of my mistake. I don't ever talk about my past Liam. You do understand that?" She asks, finally explaining somethings that never made sense to me.

"I didn't think you'd hang around much anymore because of my past. I don't want to be a charity case Liam. I don't want to be pitied. I don't want to be famous for such a horrible thing. I just.... I just don't want anything to do with you guys." She finishes quietly, looking down at her hands. She doesn't want anything to do with us? She doesn't like us?

"Wha- Why?" I ask, struggling to get the question off my tongue.

"Because Liam, I just.. I just think that spending time with you has overwhelmed me and I don't think I can handle that. I know I've only known you for a couple of weeks but, I just feel like its already been too much. In other terms Liam, I'm a lone wolf. I travel by myself and I live alone. I don't know what it's like to be surrounded by people who show me affection. I don't know what it's like to be in a pack. I just don't know how to live with other people anymore." She concludes, avoiding my face. My tears have dried up now and I feel terrible.

"Do yo- do you want to talk to the guys?" I ask quietly, trying to read any possible flash of emotion on Jordan's face. Her eyes flick up to mine and we stare at each other for what seems like forever.

"I don't know if I can face the others. I know you are the only reasonable person who looks at life with an open mind. You gave me a chance to talk and explain Liam. I don't think the others would listen. They'd probably blow up in my face. I can't deal with that at the moment." She explains, looking down to her lap.

"Jordan, you should at least give them a chance." I try.

"Can you get Harry then, please." She asks, almost inaudible because of the heart monitor. Nodding my head slowly, I exit the room and walk back to the guys. Chewing over what she said, I can understand what Jordan is saying and why she's made this decision. I can understand where she is coming from; I mean I would feel totally overwhelmed. Being around famous people can be too much for a lot of people.

"Harry, Jordan wants to speak with you." I say quietly, only loud enough for him to hear me. Looking at me sceptically, he shoves his chair back and ambles to Jordan's hospital room down the hall.

~Harry~

Why did Jordan want to talk to me? Why did she ask to speak to me, privately? Why?

Knocking on the door, a chocked voice manages to speak through the piece of hard wood.

"Come in Harry." Wait! How did she know it's me?

Pushing the door open, a frail girl is draped on a hospital bed. Machines and tubes surrounding her.

"Jordan?" I ask, a lump forming in my throat. This is all my fault. If I hadn't overreacted then this would of never happened.

"It's okay Harry. You have every right to have overreacted. I made such a big mistake and now.. now I'm paying the price of my horrible actions." She says, practically reading my thoughts.

"Every step in life has consequences. You understand that Harry?" She asks, gesturing for me to take a seat next to her. I nod slowly, her truthful words sinking in.

Placing her hand on mine, she looks into my eyes. Her beautiful sapphire blue eyes stare into my emerald green eyes. Nothing has been said since Jordan's question. Silence fills the air and it's some what comforting.

Her chest rising and falling, a machine shrieking at each heart beat.

I caused this.

"Harry you did not cause this. This is a consequence of one of my many mistakes and actions. You have to understand I brought this all on myself back in London." She says, her eyes never leaving mine.

"H-how?" I ask, my voice finding its way over the growing lump in my throat.

"When I explained my past to you." She says simply. What!?

"Excuse me?" I ask, completely taken aback by Jordan's comment. Sighing deeply, She begins to explain the meaning behind her statement.

With sad eyes, she sends a weak smile to me and I return it. Her eyes fall to her lap, suddenly the blanket becomes very interesting.

"We'll I better go then." I huff out after a couple more minutes.

"Okay. I am truly sorry Harry." She says one last time. Glancing up to my face, a guilty expression creases her flawless features. Nodding my head I shut the door and Jordan's words finally begin to start sinking in.

She blames all the past events on her self. She thinks its her fault.

Why?

But what I don't understand is why someone would want to scar and disfigure their own body. With each scar that is created on her wrist, I wonder does she think? Does she feel any remorse? Does she feel the pain of the blade on her skin? Does she feel anything at all?

I know my judgements are a little crazy at the moment but everything happens for a reason right?? I just wish I knew the whole story; I feel as if Jordan didn't tell us the complete story of her past. I mean I know that's intruding in her personal background but I'm curious about Jordan. She's like a big mystery that has never been solved. She has secrets, many secrets and I feel we should let her be but then another part of me is saying I need to find out more. That I need to hear the complete back story.

"Can we go?" I ask numbly. I need some time to think.

"Sure. You alright mate?" Zayn asks, as he places a hand on my shoulder hesitantly.

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm just......."

"Distracted?" He asks, finishing my sentence.

"Yeah, distracted," I trail off, looking towards the hallway to Jordan's room.

"Come on then lads." Preston says, slowly getting out of the uncomfortable hospital chairs. Following him and Paul outside, hardly anyone is in the car park. Sliding the door open, I climb in strap myself up and wait for us to return to our hotel.

*•*

Stumbling into my assigned bedroom, I collapse on my bed as my brain works a million miles an hour. Crazy thoughts are running around my head and my breath hitches in my throat.

Reaching around blindly for my slick phone, I open up a brand new message to send to Liam.

'Liam, when are we leaving Cambridge?'

'Umm, two days I think. I know we have a radio interview tomorrow and then a photo shoot the next day. Maybe Friday or Saturday.'

'Okay sweet as.'

Where's Jordan going to live when we leave for the rest of the tour??