Love Me At My Worst (Kylo Ren X Reader)

Chapter 3. Hi

The resistance had been successfully pushed from their base on D'qar. With the new First Order base finished and an entire fleet built in less than 2 months, the First Order was stronger than ever. You cheered with Saw and the rest of the officers when Hux told the entire ship about the victory. Everybody jumped up and down in pure excitement. Screaming and laughing and clapping. Finally after so long the resistance would crumble. A celebration was to occur that night.

You stumbled around with Saw through the halls laughing. Work was to be ceased in all areas and according to the General, everyone was to "congratulate themselves."

"This is so exciting!" You yelled at Saw as a row of officers ran past. She nodded enthusiastically and you both turned to enter the main hall. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed something that made you stop.

His black robes swayed slightly and stood out against the silver of the hallway. Kylo Ren stood staring out a window at the end of the stretch. You unhooked your arm from around Saw's and gestured toward him.

"Guess he's not celebrating?" You asked and she shrugged.

"Have you ever seen him celebrate anything?" She laughed and tried to tug you along with her. You stopped dead in your tracks and she gave you a confused look. "Whatttt" She whined. "Come on they have alcohollll." She tried to budge you but you stayed still. Your eyes on the back of Kylo Ren. Brott's words echoed in your head.

There has never been a more lonely soul than that of Kylo Ren...

"Ill meet you in there alright?" You turned to her and she looked past you at Kylo Ren.

"Don't get yourself killed." She warned and skipped into the hall. You heard her shout other officers names and her loud shrill laugh.

You took a step toward the hallway. Now with Saw gone, it was quiet. With a burst of courage you walked toward him. His broad shoulders were as tall as your head and his helmet gleamed in the light of the nearby sun. As you grew closer you felt a panging in your head. As if warning you not to get close to him. Finally, you settled next to him and stared out the window. The hairs on the back of your neck stood straight and a bead of sweat trailed down your spine. You managed to croak out your greeting, which you should have rehearsed ahead of time.

"Hi."

He seemed to flinch at this. You cursed internally at your choice of words.

Really? Hi?! That's how you greet the most dangerous force user in the galaxy?!

After a few moments of silence he cleared his throat.

"Hello." His voice was modified and deep. Almost like metal scraping against metal. You thought quickly to think of a response.

"Are you going to the celebration?" You asked. Your palms were sweaty and your breathing uneven. Again a few seconds passed before he answered.

"No." His answer was short and cold. You held your breath, your mind racing as you tried to think of what to say.

What is your goal here (Y/N)!? What are you even doing!?

You exhaled and sat one of your hands on the window sill.

"Um. I don't know if you know who I am It was my station you-"

"I'm aware." You frowned. He seemed angry that you approached him. With one last leap of courage you turned so you were facing him. You held out a hand.

"I'm (Y/N)." His mask turned slightly to see your hand outstretched. He turned back to face the window.

"Leave." He commanded. Your body went rigid and you felt yourself moving away from him. You tried to will yourself to stay put, but something carried your legs to walk away. You reached the main hall and turned into it. Finally you regained control of your body and collapsed onto a wall. Saw ran forward.

"(Y/N) are you okay?" She asked helping you to a stand.

"I spoke to Kylo Ren." You gasped out and her expression turned to one of shock.

"Whoa." She helped you over to the table where your coworkers huddled. "Guys (Y/N) over here is a badass! She spoke to Kylo Ren!" You gave them all a weak smile and they crowded around you asking for details. Your mind drifted off to the events of just a few moments ago. When could you try to talk to him again? You were surprised that you even wanted to try again. For some reason you needed to do this, needed to speak with him. Suddenly a pain crossed your mind and a few words echoed through your head in a voice that wasn't your own.

Leave me alone