Love Me At My Worst (Kylo Ren X Reader)

Chapter 30. Help

It didn't take long for you to convince Ben that the arm needed to go. As soon as infection started to become obvious , he relented. You decided the logical course of action was for him to amputate with his lightsaber, as the wound would cauterize instantly.

" I'm not okay with this." He repeated for the 15th time. You rolled your eyes.

"You killed hundreds of people with that saber but you can't cut off my goddam arm?" He flinched at your statement and you immediately felt regret. He turned from your gaze and you stood up to meet him. With the amount of pain you had been in lately your mood had been...less than desirable. "Ben I'm sorry. That's was low. I'm so sorry." You wrapped your good arm around him and rested your head on his shoulder.

"Its alright, you weren't wrong." His arm moved to delicatly hold you. "Ill do it." He affirmed. You nodded and lifted up your weak arm.

"Do it quickly." You pleaded. "The wound will cauterize instantly." He nodded and unhilted his saber. His eyes searched yours for any hesitancy. Finally he grabbed his saber lightly in his dominant hand and your arm in the other.

"I love you."

The smell of burnt flesh filled the room and you wrinkled your nose. Suprisinly, the actual dismemberment didn't cause you pain. Kylo quickly deactivated his lightsaber and pulled you to him in a hug. Then, the pain set in.

"Oh kriffing hell son of a nerf herder!" You screamed and you clutched your shoulder. Your words melted into wailing and Kylo tried in vain to help you. He filled your mind with images of the two of you together, of happy things. But you just pushed them out, your mind spasming from the loss of your arm.

-----

After passing out from the pain, you woke up to see what was left of your shoulder in a messy bandage. You heaved yourself up using your remaining arm and headed into the cockpit, finding Ben sitting with his head in his hands. His dark curls covered his face and his large shoulders were hunched over. You sat down in your seat and swivled around so you were facing him. Your knees tucked in between his.

"Im okay." You said pressing your hand on his thigh. His eyes looked into yours as he took your hand.

"I have never wanted to hurt you." He said as if trying to convince you. You gave him a small smile.

"I know. But this time you had to." You insisted. He slowly tucked his head into your shoulder. You winced at the slight pain and curled your body inward to meet him. You both stayed that was for as long as you could, before a loud alarm rang through the ship. The loud blaring noise echoed through the small space that was the Nebula. Ben stood at attention and quickly scurried over to the communication hub. His eyes widened with shock and confusion.

"Its a First Order signal." He said furrowing his eyebrows. You craned your neck to look at the source.

"Are they nearby?" You asked, fear becoming evident in your voice. He shook his head and started pressing some buttons.

"No thats the thing, its coming from the nearby resistance planet." He pulled up the radar. "See? Nothing is around us. I suppose it could be a trap." He said thoughtfully. He flipped off the alarm and studied the radar intensly.

"Why else would they be sending a signal? It must be a trap " you reasoned. Ben got a faraway look in his eyes and you tapped his shoulder lightly. "Ben? Ben!" You tried desperatly to get his attention, but he was already gone.

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Ben searched through the minds of all the Resistance personal, flying through their minds and thus mapping out the resistance base. Shock crossed his non-physical form as he soon caught the whispers of prisoners from the First Order being held in the basement. He jumped from mind to mind until he reached his destination, a long hallway filled with former First Order employees. They all were weakened or injured, some appearing to even be dead. In the last cell, a former officer was using a makeshift communicator to send out the distress call. Their eyes were desperate as they seemed to pray for help to come. When he realized who was sending the signal out, he detached from the force and fell onto you. You wrapped your arm around him.

-----

"Ben?!" You asked patting his cheeks until he came to. "What was that?" You asked incredulously. He gripped the side of the control panel and brought himself to a stand. He took in a deep breath before explaining his power.

"Ive only done that once before and trust me," He winced "Its much scarier when youre the person doing it." You searched his eyes for an explanation. " I used the minds of the people on the planet to survey the area and look for the source of the signal." You furrowed your eyebrows and opened your mouth to respond but he stopped you. "Its going to be hard for you to grasp no matter how I explain it. Its something that must be felt not told." You nodded slowly and reached around for the glass of water resting behind you. He graciously took a sip before sighing.

"Who's sending the signal Ben?" You asked once he had recovered. He looked into your eyes painfully and set down his glass.

"This might be hard for you to believe." You eyes widened.

"Try me." You retorted softly. He grabbed your forearms and looked into your eyes.

"It was Saw."