Invisibly Masked

You Dont Have To Read This

Really, you don't have to.

April 10th was when Chapter 32 was posted. Its August 17th, and I just finished Invisibly Masked. I have been on Wattpad for +4 years. To have this as an accomplishment is something four years ago-me dreamed of.

   But there are stories behind stories, and in a way I invisioned Arissa as myself. Every author does. Writes their characters in their own image.

    Yet I can probably relate to Arissa more so than any other character I could ever come up with. My story is one much more complicated than this one, and it doesn't have that fairytail shine to it. While writing IMASK- while you've been reading it, things have happened to the author that changed her. I fell almost as if I should explain my months of absence by comparing myself to the book.

Arissa and her glasses:

I wear glasses. I do, I am basically blind. I do view them as something that makes me invisible. I read a comment about how someone disliked how people use that stereotype. And I am grateful for them bringing it up, so I could have a chance to explain. Yes, having glasses actually makes you stand out a bit. People ask you how bad your vision is, if they can try them on, that we look better without them. But it almost felt like they defined me. It was "Do you know 'so-and-so'?" And the response would be "The one with the glasses?" They made me stand out yet like I was in a glass box. Don't get me wrong, I love my glasses. I recently got new ones because a wave in Rhode Island decided to slap me in the face while I was on the beach and I bid farewell to my glasses as they began their voyage out to sea.

Arissa's relationship with her father:

It represents my own relationship with mine. I won't give you the whole sob story, but he's not as bad as Arissa's daddy'o. It remains to stand against the emotional dysfunction that a father can have towards his oldest daughter because no matter how old I get, or anyone for that matter, the father will always see the little girl with pig tails and a high sense of innocence.

Arissa's relationship with her mother:

Represent obviously mine. Her mother was there in the beginning, but left. Was there after but not really. Too obsessed with other things. That's my definition of my mother. Except my mom left when I was in highschool. Mind you though, I have two younger siblings. Its a relationship where you wish they would just come back and fullfil all the promises they made you. In my case, it doesn't happen.

Arissa and her stepmother:

I have a half sister. She is beautiful and amazing and smart. My stepmother is beautiful and amazing and smart. She loves all of us, and no matter how many times my father would mess up, she always ended up aiming back for us. Trying to make it work for us. Love does unnatural things to people.

Arissa and Catherine:

My best friend is my saving grace. When my mother left, I had a place to stay so I could finish highschool. Sibling with the father out in Timbuktu. I will always be grateful for her. Always.

Arissa and the Mask:

Represents everything I've ever felt from age 10 to 18. Wanting to hide. To mask away all the pain. Put on a brave face and don't show the cracks in your beautiful porcelain. Don't show others. Be brave for your siblings. Show the world that your aren't scared even if you are shaking underneath it all. Fake it until its real.

Lastly,

Arissa and Holly:

For me, as I was writing it, I never realized until later how much I would relate to this. Holly represents the sickness. When someone has cancer, its slow and painful. Not just for the victim, but the victims family. Because you feel like there is nothing that you can do even though you want to do everything to help them. Holly represents my mother. As of June 16, 2016- my mother passed away. That is my excuse for not writing. But she didn't fie of cancer, she died of a sickness that is looked down upon in society. A sickness that people look over and don't want to help. I realized after that she was trying to get better. And all I did was resent her for leaving us. Grief does terrible things to people. People will tell me all my life I'm wrong, but I will always blame myself. Because I couldn't help her. I wasn't strong enough to. And that's heartbreaking. Arissa couldn't help Holly. Jessie couldn't help Holly. I believe to this day that I could have helped my mother, even if she refused it.

That is how Holly shines through me. She is my regret, my weakness, and my sadness.
My glasses are my desire to have individuality.
The Mask is my superhero disguise to fake it until you believe the lie.
My stepmother is an angel on my shoulder, as is my best friend.
My father is my rock and my mother is my guardian angel.

Jessie... He is my hope that if someone sees through the mask, that they still love me. For all my broken pieces. I guess you could say he's my ex.

That's why I have been on and off again with writing. I feel like explaining will help you better understand me, and my books, and the reason I love writing.

I explained to my best friend why, July first, I broke up with my boyfriend. It was the opposite. He was the stereotypical female- upset and broken hearted. And I was the stereotypical male- stone cold and not a tear shed. I explained that, the reason I didn't cry like my heart was broken, was because you can't break something that's already been shattered. And not by another romantic endeavor.

Death does strange things to people.

  You didnt have yo read this. Its not necessary, but thank you. For letting me explain.

Thank you, Kemma.