Chapter 5
My father aggressively grabbed my by my neck pulled me inside the house, slammed the door and pushed me against it. His forearm against my throat, his face was only inches from mine, and a furious red. He yelled in my face saying, WHO WAS THAT!?! I quickly said, a friend from school. He then said, Oh really now that's nice. He let go of me, thankfully.
I tried walking away until he tripped me with his thick, steel-toe boots. He then looked down at me like nothing happened what so ever, he smiled gently then spat on me. Okay this was it Im done!!!
I just yelled, no words just full on aggression and hate in every second it lasted. This man has never done anything for me besides half way make me. He made my childhood a living hell and so forth going into my life now.
Its worse off that my "mother" the woman that gave birth to me would rather love a man that is rude, and that cheats. Every time when I saw my father with another woman I would say where's mommy? But then when I tried telling her about him being with other people she would beat me and tell me to stop lying.
Every time when they thought I was lying they would lock me in the attic. I learned to like it up there actually. I found a lot of peace up there. With being alone and watching sunsets and rises.... it was just beautiful. I've grown up in this house I call "home".
I just stormed off to my room knowing that if I tried to do anything he would try to beat me. I walked up the stairs to my room, threw my bag on the floor, and tossed my limp body onto my bed. I layed there for a moment and shut my eyes.....just concentrating on nothing if that makes any sense but to me at that time it did. After about thirty minutes I leaned over, picked up my bag, and pulled out my phone and ipod. I put my ipod on shuffle,put my headphones on, turn up the music all the way, block out the rest of the world, and start tidying up my room.
*An hour later*
After I finished I decided to pull out that little crinkled peice of paper and text Jack.
Nevaeh: Hey it's Neavah.
Five minutes after the message sent I got a reply, when I saw it was from him....I automatically was overjoyed.
Jack: Hiyah Nev, How's it going?
Nevaeh: Nothing much, got finished cleaning up a bit. You?
Jack: Just got home from visiting my parents.
Nevaeh: Do you not live with your parents? Please don't take any offense and if you don't want to answer that it's fine.
Jack: Uh..sorry Nevaeh I have to go back out. Talk to you tomorrow, goodbye for now.
I though to myself......well gees if he really didn't want to talk to me he could've bluntly said it to me or just spare me from my thoughts of someone.....just someone that could....never mind. The more and more I think about things the more technical and emotional I get which leads to tearing up and bawling my eyes out and with that he just was gone I guess.
This is why I like being alone. No confusion, no worries. If I mess up, it won't be on anyone else and I don't have to worry about that person lying to me and I won't have to do any ignorant guessing games.
But.....deep down I know I at least don't want to die alone. With those thoughts heavy on my mind I turn off the lights, lay across my bed, get comfortable and go off into a deep sleep.
