Equilibrium (Reylo)

Thirty-Six: My Light, My Life

BEN

Rey laid her head on my chest, the warmth of her cheek pressed right on top of my heart. Her breaths have evened out in a smooth pattern for about a few minutes now where it was to the point I'm assuming she was asleep.

Lucky her.

If I allow myself to sleep, I'm afraid I'll see her again in my dreams. Not her her, but the version of the girl I love—the facade. The girl with the murderous eyes, the tight smile, the red hue lit against her golden skin from the lightsaber staff she wield. . .I didn't want to hear those venomous words she would beat into me until she finally struck me down.

That was about the time in the dream I wake up. Or when Rey wakes me up, most of the time. I'll be yelling or thrashing in my sleep and she'll gently wake me up—pulling me into her arms, kissing me until I calm down. In those moments, I have no regards for my pride.

I am fortunate the nights I don't dream at all. When I wake up and see she's there lying beside me. I'd like to wake up before her so I could see the light caught inside her hazel eyes the moment they open. To see the glint of physical light inside those eyes that I fell truly, madly, and desperately in love with.

I felt sorry for Rey, always having to comfort me from my nightmares. But I mean, she always has before. Thought it didn't provide me with much opportunities to do the same for her. She'll tell me that she doesn't have nightmares, but I'm sure it's not true. I don't press the subject, anyhow. I know she's strong enough to fight her own battles and I'll be here if she needs me.

As for mine. . .I think she likes fighting them with me. And I didn't mind if she did. The comfort she gave me in those moments of weakness—it made me feel like I belong. Like I belong to her.

I take a lock of her hair that brushed against my collarbone, rubbing the short, thin hairs between my fingers. Rey took in a deep breath sometime in our entanglement of limbs, and I didn't have to wonder if she was awake for long.

"Can you. . .can you say it again?" she asked me, so quiet I might've thought I had imagined it. Then, she shifted her body off of mine to get a better look of my face. She lifted a hand to my cheek, stroking it with her thumb.

"Say what again?"

I read the expression on her face and knowing by the sound of my voice, she didn't find my joke amusing. And like she always did at my lame comedic attempts, she rolled her eyes, in the same fashion that always made me want her more.

"You know what," she said.

"I love you," I tell her softly, as though it were my last breath. "Rey, my light, my other half, I love you."

Her eyes searched mine, finding everything in them that she needed. Her lips lifted in a smile. "Ben Solo, my hope, I love you, too," she said in return, as easy and light as an inhale.

She and I, we both saw something about each other that day in the cave where we first touched hands. We both saw something special—something important that made us feel more connected with each other. I finally felt like I wasn't alone anymore. And that I'd never had to be alone again. I felt wholesome. And wanted.

No matter the differences in what we each saw—a future or a past, we saw a time where a together seemed possible. And now, if anyone tried to take away our together—have at it. I will fight to keep any future of mine, as long as she is in it.

Rey brushed her lips against mine, bringing her face close to kiss me with so much hunger and need that the exchange in our words seemed to have left a hole only our kisses could fulfill. I kissed her back, matching her hunger, matching her need, never wanting to remember the time I never shared the same air she breathed.