Catfish [l.s] (boyxboy)

IM Provocative

are you ready for a lot of dialogue??

you better fucking be bc that's all this is basically hahahah i like daily updates

(edit: um. my author's notes are weird. i'm sorry.)

So, Louis isn't exactly proud of it, but he and Harry have sort of started to speak romantically. Like, it's not really romantic romantic, but, well. Fuck. It's pretty romantic.

He's never been this giddy and this guilty in his entire life. 

Harry goes on and on about Anna to the boys, Louis included, because he's oblivious and he's whipped. Louis often wonders if he would feel the same way if he found out Anna is actually Louis. Would Harry reconsider his heterosexuality? Maybe, Louis thinks, but he also wants to smack himself because he knows that Harry can't control his straight-ness just the same way Louis can't control his urge to have erotic daydreams about his best mate.

And if he drools, it's solely because of the sandwich he's currently eating, not because of Harry.

"And, Lou. She's so pretty. Got the brightest blue eyes, blonde hair... hell, she's even got freckles, Lou! Freckles!"

Louis makes a noise between a grunt and a laugh, and it kind of sounds like he's choking on his straw as he takes a sip of his iced tea. "Amazing."

"Wait, wait, I haven't even gotten to the best part yet - hey, are you even listening, Niall?"

"What?" Niall's head snaps up from where it had been bent as he not-so-subtly scrolled through Twitter on his mobile. "Yeah, 'course I was. Freckles."

"Right." Harry nods seriously, lips pressed into a tight line like they're discussing politics instead of Harry and Louis's online relationship. Not that Harry knows it's Louis, who is sitting directly next to him eating a sandwich, of course.  "She wants to see a picture of me, and I'm not sure what to do. What do you think I should do? Liam?"

"I think you should stop talking to people online," Liam says, and Louis both stiffens and smiles at the same time. Honestly, what the hell? "It's not safe, you could be talking to anyone behind that screen Harry. Especially being you, it's not a wise decision."

"Well, maybe I'm tired of making wise decisions all the time," Harry mutters lowly, stabbing at his salad a little too forcefully with his plastic fork. Louis is actually genuinely concerned that he might end up breaking the styrofoam container and spill lettuce and tomatoes everywhere, so he puts his own hand over Harry's to cease his movements. And his heart definitely does not flutter.

"I support you, Haz," he says, tone all smiles and 'I'm on your side, see?'. Harry smiles back, nodding sincerely like he definitely is grateful. He probably is. Harry is very concerned about what other people think of him - Louis realized this a long time ago. He only wants to see Harry smile, and if this Anna thing is the only thing that truly does it, so be it.

"Send her a real provocative picture, but not anything too revealing. Something that'll leave her satisfied but still wondering, ya' know?" Zayn says slowly, really putting emphasis on his words. And yeah, Louis likes that idea, he's liked it since 'provocative' slipped from Zayn's mouth. He can do provocative.

Harry seems confused and pained, "So, like. Send her pictures of my... you know-"

He pauses, eyes darting down to his crotch and then back up to Zayn. Louis has to stifle a laugh.

"Dick?" Zayn provides, and Harry nods, eyes widening at the word. Honestly, he's so adorable that Louis wants to puke. 

"No, no, not that provocative. You don't want to seem like a tool. Not yet. I'm sure you can save the saucy stuff for later - just, you know. Something that won't give away that it's you, but enough that she won't feel like it's not really showing you. Make sense?"

"Not at all," Harry sighs, running one of his hands down his face, "So you want me to send something that doesn't give me away but something that exposes me at the same time?"

"What our old pal Zayn is trying to say, Harry, is that you should send her a nip picture," Niall adds, eyes still locked on his screen. Harry turns beet red at the word.

"Why would I do that? It's weird, she's probably not going to like that-"

"It shouldn't be that hard. You've got four of them, after all. Maybe she's got some genetic mutation fetish, like, what if she has two vaginas? Maybe she has three tits-" 

"No, no, oh my God. No." Harry is on the verge of crying it seems, and Niall is laughing across the table, finally looking up from his phone. Louis smiles, not really sure how to respond. Liam looks uncomfortable and Zayn is smirking flatly, unlit cigarette tucked between his lips. 

Harry looks at him then, eyes all big and sparkly with his lower lip pushed under his front teeth. He's obviously making a silent plea for help, because Louis can easily keep up with Niall. Even after four years, Harry still turns to Louis, and if that makes him warm inside then it's just fine. "Ni, maybe you should get in on the fun. You can be in the background. Yes, I can see it already, just imagine this: Harry's leg, your pasty white ass in the background-"

"Hey," Niall frowns, and Harry smiles in satisfaction. Louis' blow was kind of weak because the way Harry is staring at him makes him want to combust several times, but, wow. Okay.

"I think it'd add a nice touch," Zayn agrees, "You could title it '50 Shades of Pale'."

"Actually, I don't think it's possible to have fifty whole shades of pale-" Liam begins. Zayn, however, quickly cuts him off again.

"Liam, be a doll and fetch me another cig, yeah?" he asks, smiling at Liam with that perfect smile of his that Louis sort of kind of envies a lot, and even though he's already got one lit and smoking Liam hops right up to get him another one. Damn Zayn, Louis thinks. 

"Just send her a picture of your eyes, H. The eyes are the window to the soul," Louis sort of blurts, but the look on Harry's face tells him that he doesn't need to be embarrassed. Louis only wishes he could tell Harry the same thing. 

Because, after all, it is just Louis on the other end. Not a beautiful girl with blonde hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a job as a waitress.

Just Louis.