The Bad Boy and Me

21~ I'm just done

Dodging glances on the train. And I know, I know, they've all been talkin bout me I can hear them whisper, And I makes me think there must be something wrong with me.

Unwell- Matchbox Twenty

And I don't know why everyone hates me so much!

But...maybe I do.

Cuz now I hate me too.

And right now I don't really see the reason for trying...

Or for talking...

Or for breathing...

I'm just done.

A/N: this quote is from Cyberbully I literally cried so hard I LOVE this movie so much, it's amazing. Sorry, I just had to add this in here because I love it so much.

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I turn on the water for the shower and strip, climbing in, and the hot water pours down on my shoulders. I let out a sigh of relief.

My cut burns when the hot water gets to it, but I don't do anything. Last night I was so fed up with everything and anything that I may or may not have slit my arm. Not my wrist, my arm. Just once, and I told Casey I got snagged on a tree branch. I felt guilty, not about lying to my best grimes, well maybe a little but only because I broke my promise. I promised myself mostly that I wasn't going to cut, but I did anyways.

I didn't starve myself though, I don't understand how that's possible, I love food.

The tears pour out of my eyes and I cry, hoping the music blasting out of the speakers and the running water drowns out my sobs, hoping nobody can hear my desperate broken cries.

It's sad how things came to this. I didn't even do anything, and I lost somebody really close to me.

Maybe it's the fact that he left, and I have severe issues thinking everyone will leave me, and right when I opened up, right when I was about to tell him my feelings, it happened. And I was crushed. I can't do that again. It hurts too much.

I get out of the shower, looking like hell I might add, and get dressed in my leggings and a tie-dye shirt I made. It's got puff paint written on it and it says 'Big Hearts Little Hands'.

Cheesy, I know, but it's like 5 sizes too big and swallows me whole, so I love it.

I slip on my uggs and my wet hair goes in a messy hair ontop of my head.

Sitting on my beanbag chair, I grab my pillow and clutch it for dear life, hoping it will drown out my sobs.

I hate myself, really. I hate who I've become. I disgust myself, no wonder Ryder is disgusted by me too.

I cry every day, and it sucks. Mostly, my mom doesn't have a damn clue because she's sucked up in wedding plans, josh, Ava, what's going to happen with the wedding, wedding this wedding that.

I'm invisible.

Casey and Mark are practically connected to my hip, checking on me, and out of school Ryan contacts me, but that's it. How I'm an amazing persons for keeping his secret, blah blah blah.

I would've kept his secret anyways. I'm not the type if person who's untrustworthy.

Well, maybe I am. Because Ryder doesn't even look at me.

Layla's right, the world is a better place without me wasting space.

I pick up my phone, and it's loaded with texts and missed calls.